bittersweet year

triumph and tears
a shredding of one self for another
with all the attendant scar tissue left behind
the angry map on our souls

I think long and hard on the burden of the one who brings the end
the apocalyptic one who burns with unwanted fires

Jesus arrives in flames and horror
the hidden message behind the coloring books of lambs laying down with lions

I am a reluctant messiah...


they found me hidden in a man
the angels of awakening
brought out my voice from the opaque black parts of my unconscious
where a beast of savage grace growled and raged and nursed his wounds

a blue eyed hot blooded killer
thankful for the peace of his neighborhood, his friends, his words

I am willing to exist beyond human judgment
on a throne of my own perceptions
in a land of my own making
lecturing from an obscure podium
at a half interested crowd


The Christ cannot imagine how life can go on as before

Forgets and remembers that most people do not believe he exists
he barely feels like he exists some days
in others he gives into running away from the truth
into any fantasy that can bring a glimmer to his eye for a moment

He knows, though...

The opinions of others no longer matter.
His mission is clear.
Lead as many people as he can out of the mundane,
into the realm of the peaceful and sane and inane.


The Father's plans consume him
He cannot understand the motives of God?
The atheist he was awhile was idiotic enough to think
that if there was a plan, he would have figured it out and thus... it was not there

he hears the laughter of God... the one word He intones over and over
from the center of all.... LOVE.

What if I am here to lead a herd of souls to heaven
could I turn from such a thought?
Would it make any difference if I were to be jesus or not?

I prayed hard on blasphemy for months
the last thing I want to do is proclaim myself a god
this is the stuff of madness

what is just is

bullets and rose petals

fall from my hand
the bullets hit first
clatter harsh and ugly

the rose petals drift from side to side
elegantly, silently down

every laugh is a lie
when tears are required

I am far from the peace of faith
puzzled by where I am on this Calvary Walk


I want to be nameless
words without a persona
blank

a clean start

I used to start over all the time







































































You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

the karma of tom cruise

don't believe in Karma very much. I have a weird view of something called social karma, which says that you can spread a certain type of behavior through other beings by acting a certain way; the basic, say hello to people and act pleasant and others will do the same.

In other words, a lot of the time, your social karma is what gets your ass kicked or kissed. This is too mystical to be taken too far. Just a sociological statement I felt that I had to make because the classic idea of Karma sickens me, blames people for shit that is not their fault.

Tom Cruise, who I surely do hope people will quit threatening, has been the target of my ire ever since I began to awaken to the problem of cults. But.... it is his right to join a cult, and it is his right to go around and talk about it. It is our right to avoid his movies, and to speak truth to their lies. Anonymous has done a wonderful job of showing how to protest a social movement that the government cannot/or will not.

Now, Cruise is building a five million dollar bunker under one of his homes. What a waste of money. People really need to make clear that when they criticize someone, they are criticizing behavior, not condemning everything a person is. People have intrinset worth. Tom Cruise is not a child molestor or a rapist or a murderer. These are the only people who the general debate grows around having killed. Everyone else deserves to live how they want. Even Tom Cruise.

I do hope that he will realize that all of the attention his cult is getting, actually means something. He is not a smart man, obviously... and more than that, he is a victim of a cult, as well. L Ron Hubbard's corpse should be dug up and pissed on, but whoever is left of his dying delusion will just become more religious curios. Read about the early 1800's america's and all the different religious beliefs people were trying on and you will see that nothing has changed.

A true religion may arise from the ashes of the conservative christian movements and the crazy cults... That religion will not be started by a guy who took a lot of speed and thought he was satan.

Tom, sorry they are on your ass... but you asked for this shit storm when you declared yourself a budding little god. You are the Golden Cow of fame and wealth, using your influence to fleece people of money with a mish mash of mind control techniques. Inside your cocoon, you do not even realize that their are actual butterflies out here...













You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

the new editions are out

LAst night, I finally got the first three new editions out. They are not going to be perfect until I once more see the hardcopy, make whatever changes I missed.... Still, the books are there and readable.

I would recommend ordering them quick. One War, Waking Up Jesus, and The Religious Psycho Killer's Shit List. You can get them cheap at this point. I got all three for forty bucks. I will raise the price once I have the books and have made any final changes that I want.

I have not finished the collected works yet, but that is kind of a joke to me in a way. I want a book that has a novella, poetry, and comedy, so people can see all the different sides of my work. I suspect I am close on that front, but... I still have a lot of comedy that has never been published. A second volumn of the psycho killer's shit list and whatever will come...










































You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
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http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

firestarters in Gaza

the news makes me feel like I am participating in life
monitoring the world for some reason I cannot begin to fathom

I watch the rise and fall of this and that regime
idea, haircut, verbs du jour...

A story of three angels has been banging out in my head
I lay trying to sleep on a night with none trying to take the story further
to dream out how the story will end

so far I have three angels who have come to earth to awaken the Christ
they find him as they expect to, mourning his fate and still
in the thankful oblivion of his true mission

they have plaid this scene out on other planets and times
they do not envy the Christ
He alone goes out on point
becomes a human to try to save them
from his father's judgement

At first the Christ refuses to believe the angels
Laughs at the idea

Then slowly he comes to know that he is the end
the harbinger of the big fire

The angels in the story are weary warriors
they have been warring the forces of satan
retaking the souls snatched into hell by the master deciever

They have won and now they have come for the son of God
they both fear and love him

He is a creature who thinks he is a man
oblivious of the powers he could call upon
how easily he could toss the very planet into the sun


The Christ will have endless conversation with the Angels
he mistakes His fears of His Father with Hate
became an atheistic writer of violent comedy

They finally launch their mission
take over the media and plunge the world word into chaos
The Christ is mistaken again for a man who would be King
Is tempted by the world he could own again by the forces of Darkness

The tale slowly percolates in my mind
a secret place that I go when the conversation doesn't interest me
the obsession of hours laying in bed wishing sleep would come

I feel the guilt of the bomb
the guilt of fire
the guilt of bullets

the guilt of life and death

i watch cnn while I write my poem/story idea

seeing gaza getting hit by hundreds of missiles
the jews responding to the fanatics and their bombs
by massing troops on the boarder

by the end of the night the war could enflame the smoldering middle east

the us and Israel are bound together in the middle eastern mind
they despise the americans for staying out of the conflict
for not coming to their aide

When does the rain come that puts out all these flames?
the flood of holy water
that washes us clean of this blood


i hide myself in a poem on the middle east
in a story of angels
the far back dark reaches of my unconscious
where the unknown stand and speak from opaque black

I make up the angels to have some comic relief for this Christ character
comic relief... there is no room .... no room...

One war plays out on my tv, in the middle east, south america, africa... anywhere people are picking up guns and joining a side to wage war
is the same war
the same break down of reason
the same Darwinian struggle to be free
















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
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HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

The Christmas Sermon

Seek peace with men of all religions. Speak to your enemies in the hope they will see into your soul, and learn of your kindness.

The Iranian premier's speech on BBC should be seen as an attempt to entice Obama to take himself seriously, and confront the number one most contentious problem in the middle east. No more bombs... can't ignite them oil fields, or we will all burn this time.

We will not be able to lead the world if we simply choose our friends and the rest be damned. The time has come for the metaphors of war to be retired. Talking in terms of winners and losers, evil and good, etc... are all lies. We are creatures encasing souls. We do not know much of our story. So little is known that no one can be right forwever. Sooner or later, science will come up with something better.

Ending the easy conversion of Islamists to terrorists organizations, will require respect and love. This is a fuck or fight world. Pretend otherwise. I started this campaign by telling you to seek love, to fuck out your war jizz. I hope this held off some of the violence for awhile.

I have been ordered to get in the shower to prepare to go out for christmas dinner. Yum













































You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

SANTA SLAUGHTER IN LA

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A PARABLE FOR THE DEPLORED

There has been a battle waging since the angels split off, some becoming demonic, others trying to stop them. We have fought on earth in the forms of men forever. We fought as Neanderthals... as soon as the image of God began to appear in the faces of the creatures of Eden. We have kept all of this secret to the humans, fearing the mass hysteria that would have enveloped the world. The massacres we could see down that future path kept us from allowing events to steer us into such a dark place.

Now we are coming above ground. Demons and Angels are actively appearing int he unconscious of the humans; possessed since birth by deities they will never undrestand, these humans now wage the ultimate war between good and evil.


We have gathered in Chicago to meet the one. The Christ. The humans have known about since his birth, a secret that t most learned about when the Awakening Movement needed their aide. I have been a sleeper agent in my own mind, learning of the humans and their times by the ultimate tool - becoming one of them. Waking up from deep cover is not easy. There is no instant switch. You exist as two people at once, and in my case two warring people.

The battles would be fought in the old ways. As when the Gods themselves clashed over planets... or Gods they seemed to themselves, warring with powers that are unheard of here on earth.

You begin to remember the other lives you have lived as you fought the dark ones. The countries where you found them and their armies and tried to destroy their followers, before they could sweep the earth and earn their dark right, to avoid the flight to the father, to rule here on earth for eternity. They fear the fathers dark vengenge for the war they inflicted on the Son. They seek to keep humans on their sides purely to keep their delusion going.



I am weary from the battles I have returned from. The wounds of angels are all internal, mixed up with killing beings who were once your lovers, your fellow angels singing in the court of The Almighty. I know Jesus is close. Can feel his warm presence. I do not know if he is awake yet. He is usually the last, though sometimes the first. I find him in a dive bar, scribbling on napkins a poem that would be later lost from his pocket and dissolved into the snow lightning the Chicago streets.



I sit on a cracked, acrylic seat beside him. "Do you know me?"
His clear blue eyes look at me with rage, then he seems to go to another part of his brain to calm down, and answers in his gorgeous voice, "I have known you, my brother, since before you knew there was such a thing as I."

He never has grown used to being the Father's Judge, the siren for the four hoursemen with the steeds of fire. He came up later this time, 44, and his beard is greying. The waif of skin and bones he had been in the last life was gone. He looks skinny, yet well fed. He has grown the long hair of the mystic and magic. I can tell he has had the dreams. One showing God's Face to prove that he was in touch with a deity, and the next of the endless lightening and fire flowing from his trembling silhouette.

"Your father sends his greetings."
"Yes, he would."
"Have you seen the demons?"
"They are everywhere. They cannot attack me and I leave them alone. I have become like an animal in a zoo to them. The lion they never want to meet in the jungle, chained and neutered."

I order a beer and take a cigarette out of his pack. Angels are like soldiers on leave, forever trying to just stay in the moment and if drink and drugs are needed, the humans have an endless supply.

"They think I will not fight them. I want them to think I am defeated."
"They can hear you and yet...."
"Now that you are here, they understand that I am about to burn their Eden down."
"You loved here?"
"How could I not... these were my children once."
"You know I speak with the new Satan?"
"He is nothing like his father."
"His fate was worse than mine. Still, he believes in these beings, sees their free-will in the perversions, the lust for life itself."
"The heavens makes this place seem like a hell."
"The babies don't know."
"Now you sound like Satan. This is a planet meant to grow souls. To send seeds out into the cosmos. We go to the father's face, he sends us to the heavens where we will be happiest, or off to some other war."

"What have you been doing here?"
"Writing."
"Anything good?"
"No. I wanted to change time itself, make the end a dream no one needs to have..."
"He sent you here to burn all this shit down."
"Collectively they are a virus. One on one though...."
"Save a few for breeding..."
"And forget the rest."

I understood again why only the son himself could bring on the end of a world. Angels would have died from the pain I could see in everything he did, from the grim resignation that he sipped his coffee to the cigarettes he left to burn away in the ashtrays.

"When?"
"The goal will be to save every soul on the planet. The projections are much smaller, of course. First we will need to use the armies to eradicate those who are not going with us. There will be even more blood... I have already shed more than I feel like I can take, though I know, being I am, I can take anything."

"Where are you staying?"
"I sleep on the subway."
"We'll need a better field office... do you know where the other three are?"
"They will find us within hours of opening the office. Call the company the Reluctant Apocolyptics. I want the left over demons to know where we are as well. I forgave them."
"What?"
"Oh, I perished a few... mostly I offered them their old jobs back. They knew from the beginning of this battle that they were going to lose. They were stuck with Satan after the revolt. He was the one who had to hear their cries of pain over their fates. I would have even forgiven him for trying to teach the humans that they are for a reason, that God relishes their lusts. Of course, like an angel, he took it too far. The distance from the father drove him mad. The impending end, where we find ourselves now.... must have preyed on them."

We spoke of the other wars raging across the cosmos, where bits and pieces of the Son of God was still battling the left over pockets of the demonic invasion.

"Any closer to figuring out why he does this to them?"

Jesus sighed, "Not that question again... he is not going to tell me his plans, because... who knows?"


New reports that night were filled with firefights between shadowy figures who witnesses claimed were flying around on white wings. Scientific experts were brought in to speak about mass hysteria. In a secret agency within the CIA another entry is made into a file labeled project omega. ^To his superiors, James Kenny wrote that an aplha red pronto emergency scenario was breaking out in downtown Chicago.

News teams filled the streets surrounding the battles. Burning swords and blasts of lightening and fire flew back and forth between the creatures, destroying store fronts and leaving ominous fires up and down State street. A white being, too bright to be photographed or looked upon directly, appeared above the carnage and the entire scene disappeared. A melodic voice of authority filled the streets, "I am."

Speculation filled the news shows for the next week, though nothing else happened...

Boycot Tom Cruise Films

Do you think that Tom Cruise the actor, and tom smooze the man, are two different entities?

I try not to let the life of an actor effective my viewing of them, theough there have been notable exceptions. I would not buy prison art from Gacy (johnny depo did and it drove him to have a fear of clowns).

In tommie smoozes world, however, there are forces that are trying to use his film career for propaganda. Were he in Nazi germany, her would not be trying to kill Hitler, he would be playing along in their propoganda movies. Remember,this is an easily influenced man with a broken childhood and a lot of money, which what these cults can smell like a hog over a truffle.

When his last film was bombing, scamatomologists tried to buy extra tickets to keep theer adverting partner a viable spokesperson.

It is one thing to say the poor actor had a lapse with drink, or any of lifes fairly common artistic problems... they are only inadvertantly leading to the romanticism of drinkin, where as Tom is saying that you must follow him to become a super being.

The us army, at my behest, recently denied Smooze the ability to use american military basis, soldiers, or machinery. This is why he shot his latest smooze over in Germany, where their guilt over their grandparents sins still keeps the ethics of the best of them wary, and ready to fight the rise of another mad man to office.

He is opening this film on new years. People thought I was Hitler incarnated, or his son for awhile.. while I have no evidence to prove this unfounded, I was told, vaguely, that some reserch the Nazi's were doing led to my existence. How, I will learn one day. Of course they also thought I was from outer space (which I am, but I have lived here so long that the general meaning of aleins applies to other than me)

Then you should know that when his last film was bombing, scientologists actually tried to up his numbers by buying theater tickets. They have in their hands a powerful symbol of success, an american actor who is so empty inside that they can fill him with whatever bullshit they want.

I am sick of his commercial... the nazi movie that comes out on christmas. There is something sick about that, to me. There are a lot of other films opening that day. Why not see one of them?

A tom cruise movie is another bit of propoganda for his cause. Don't kid yourself, they have their mind on world wide domination. Like most cults, they promise all sorts of shit they cannot provide.

I read the Rick Ross Cult Institute every day, almost. THe crap that people will believe, that we normal folk laugh at, is created by the urge for belief that we all have.... your beliefs, or at least some of them, are probably as delusional as the cultists. No one has failed to learn something that proves them wrong,unless they are so crazed that there is no way to enter their frenetic names with logic.

I have a cult member in my family. They say his life has improved since he joined the cult, even though they have bled him of every dime, and indeed put him into debt to support their habits of selling bottled water with hippy names that are supposed to be from Israel, but are not.

I have been off line for a couple weeks. I am back at comcast now. They were the ones who bugged me last time, and indeed may be doing as much again, for all I know. at this point, I pray my friends get the same intelligence on me that my enemies are gathering.

They know I can play the crowds like a sympohny, and they fear some imminent attack like I preached about, to the bugs in my apartment that though the info got out to good folk, I never once agreed to. I am not going to sue anyone over this... I do resent the drugging enough to want to torture the truth out of a doctor, but that isnot my way.

I am still trapped in Chicago, for good or bad. You couldn't ask for a better cell in the summer, but winter here... my husky loves the snow, of course. Her joy has yet to be infectious to me.

M. and I are saving our money to move, which has left me without weed. I hate to admit it, but writing on weed is my greatest joy in this life. Otherwise I tend toward depression. Who wouldn't in my situation.

I missed my deadline to get the books out. Who cares? I suppose I should worry about this more, but no one will buy them again. Weird. I know they great they can tap into Lulu and read my books, so they know I am not advocating bombing someone or whatever... just writing about the world as I see it.

The greek riots have been appalling, eh? What happens to people when they join a crowd can be easily researched on the net. I urge anyone not too drunk to look this up to do so.

I studied under Danial Sheperd, who believed that non violent protest would win out in the end. I believe this too. Getting people to come to your side really involves not burning down buildings and trashing your neighborhoods even worse.

We all feel the frustration of our governments ignoring our status as working poor, or the unemployed.


A lot of us would kill the Hitler in the system if we thought it would do any good. It does not. Like theese anarchist battling the police, they are not fighting the right people. The problems start with the wealthy who refuse to pay the tax rates that could start a New Deal in Greece, where the people are paid by the government for their skills, as they improve the infrustracture of their country. Any country with a large youngster population is going to experience unrest.

Look what happened when I called for a revoluation in America. Very pockets of resistance popped up. There were suddenly enough people to actually take over this country. We used hard core methods, no doubts... people died. This was our civil war.

I tried to tell the people we were warring with how worse this battle could get, how resolved, to the point of becoming monsters, to save this planet from allowing the industrialist to creat the green houes effect. This short minded thining from people who had been bought out by companies that do not wish to go green was criminal.

I would like to see a tribunal for the major polluters in america. They should be tried for sins against the environment. Industries would be able to make penance by solving the problems of cars and jets and etc... This can be done. American enguinity is almost already there.



The sheer number of people rioting, in the various cities, emboldens them all. I ama firm believer that protests must be preaceful. IF the cops will not march with you, you planned the protest badly.

No one who follows me should be doing violence in the streets. Period. The frustration you feel is mine as well -- I know what it is like to be disenfranchised from my community by economic and social conditions. We are fairly poor, though we have enough that bitching seems narcissistic. I take out my frustrations on the page, not in the streets. Not that I think protests are bullshit. We saw in Chicago this week a great example of how to protest, at the Republic Window and Door factory, where they tried to toss out the employees without paying them, etc... breaking varius federal labor laws. Rev. Jackson went down with food, and made a statement that this was the beginning of a labor movement.

Then... the republicans stop funding the auto industry... The unions think this is just more union busting. I do not know the details, though I have heard that they think the bailout will not work. If they are right, then we would be throwing fifteen million down a well. Like the banks we backed up... who are now spending like fat cats on your sweat and blood. I am glad I am crippled. It at least stops me from having to fund rich assholes. Banks. I don't even use them anymore. With the fees and the occasional overdraft, I found it was cheaper to just cash them at a currency exchange and spend 7 bucks.

I wrote long ago about this credit problem. I wrote that we were going to have to stop this shit. People took me wrong. I am not even sure what I meant by that, like a lot of my behavior during my frantic period of feeling like a budding prophet. Now a lot more makes sense. Why did I say that no stars or agents should call me? I know now that I am going to be so controversial that association with my writing will bring a lot of criticism.

I would also like to say, that two years ago I put a sign in my window saying "OBAMA FORGIVE OSSAMA, let all the soldiers go home." This was before he announced his canidacy. I knew he was going to be president, and that he would be the one who bridged the gap between america and the more radical muslims in the middle east. How did I know? God. He uses me like his scribe, whether I understand what I am writing or not.

I will be going to the operation push fundraiser next saturday, from 7 to 9pm. I watch or go to operation push every saturday. This is my church. Rev. Jackson never fails to inspire me to action.

Oh, yea, and thank you John Stewart for recommending that I snoke more weed... because I said something about not writing without weed, which is bad, and something I will change if I have to. Right now, for instance... though this is hardly the poetry of fire and redemption that I would prefer. Or even comedy. I did write a new comedy story a week ago at the elves attic.... anyways, John, I am always proud and honored by your communications with me. Someday... we weill talk. I still kick myself for not answering the phone when you calleed. Now the security is too tight probably for that. Who knows? My new phone mnumner is 773 961 7318. I still want to go on you and stephens' shows one day. I would also like someone to interview me about all this shit, but that is breaking some secrecy rule they have.

I still go over all the evnts of my birth all the time. The drugging, and the resulting preaching that I did, embarrass the hell out of me. I never asked to have children watch my performance, but a poem I wrote, captain factor xm where I said that we would keep no secrets, seems to point that way. I wrote cryptically because the muse was cryptic. I didn't know what I was going to write, though I could feel this master plan playing out through me. THis is one of the reasons I wonder if there was brain washing involved during the time I was in a coma. I woke up afterwards and started writing notes on my arms and didn't even know my girlfreind, or who I was. I have never had anything even similar to that happen, and either God took me and woke me up, or mankind used some ancieant, cultic knowledge to create a man who thinks he is christ... they told me I am an angel, and my wings were removed during the year I spent in a catholic hospital. Why did they do this? I think to protect me, but also... they fear that I will bring armeggedon...

I did dream that lightening and fire were spewing from my body. THis was an astounding dream, like when I saw the face of god. They came the same week. I never dream when I am smoking a lot of weed, as I was at the time. I am not one to make too much of my dreams, though a few did show me things that came true. I look at them more now that I know that I am this 'thing,' that is human yet not.

I am just blathering on... but truly, think about telling people not to go to this tom cruise vehicle. The us army says he can no longer use their equipment because of his cult affiliation.

I write this about cruise and think, 'no one who reads me would go see this film.' M. did rope me into watching a few good men the other day, and watching him made me sick. I really get creeped out. I seldom get this feeling. I wonder sometimes, what with L Ron Hubbard's love for satanism (he raised his son a satanist) has morphed into bringing the anti-christ. Could that be cruise? I do not know. I hope he is just some dum guy who ended up getting scammed all to hell. But he is dangerous to the truth. Psychiatrists have belped me immensly in my life. I have a profound respect for what they are trying to do. I have seen people totally change when on or off the medications they offer. A roomate of mine was totally cool while on the meds... went off them, and ended up a crazy person on the streets. THis story times one million would come about if they had their way. Until the new drugs started coming out, people were just thrown into sanitariums. Better that they can function.

I also want to say a few things to clear up a few myths about me.

1) I am not trying to take over the world. That was all a joke. I would not know what to do with it. I do, however, want to influence people of power. With Obama in the presidency, I am fairly certain someone who thinks like me will be in charge. This is a first. I am still honored by his contact with me, as I am with Hillary Clinton. I recommended a round table of various leaders, and they started using a huge debate format to get the issues out. That was great. Now, he is taking the great talent of the people he debated and putting them in positions of power. This is wonderful of him. He does not have all the baggage that presidnets usually bring in, and by baggage I mean people who he owes something to. Most presidents end up giving these posts to cronies who will just do their bidding. Obama seems to be taking the high road. A nuclear physicist in the white house? Brilliant.

Lastly, on the blagoveich problem. I feel for his family, and him. I understand the corruption of this city. The problem is that the mayor, or at least his cronies, are so used to be ing criminals that they have encultured the city hall.

Go in love...























You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

fight or flight

I play the run from me game.
The hide me game.

There is place we all go
a cave on a mountain alone
we burrow into the dark

our souls a hawk
circling high above
coming down fast
on the elusive bird
of love


the predators
coming in fast
death cries of screaming beast below
our hunger is all we know














You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

two as one... the abortion of self

People seldom spit clean in two

having one side of self an agnostic/fuctioning athiest
another raging prophecies that barely make sense to me

I always wonder how a God could exist without just coming to earth
and saying, "Alright, stop this shit right now. Love each other and all that. You know better. Or else, I am smitting you and starting over with star nosed moles."

I have tried long enough to ponder questions like this. A pointless endeavor? Hard to tell. Why bother to look for what is not there? Factual proof of the spiritual is just not going to be there. They probably operate on such different levels that our understanding is very, very limited. Perhaps that is what time and space are, constant questions that we are going to have to answer... and there will never be this one Big Answer? Certainly this is the experience of life. However, there have been nearly magical, unexplainable occurances in my life that no amount of scientific pushing and pulling will tear apart seem to mute.

I can explain the dreams, in a way, where I saw the face of god and the lightening and lava pouring from my body... but they did not seem like dreams at all. Period. And when I was thinking about how to write a new bible, I began to dream of how to do it... a first. I am not saying that this 'new bible will mean as much as a book of poetry... THe purpose is not to replace any religions, say anyone is necessarily wrong or whatever... just to update the ethics a bit, try to meld the secular and sacred.

Oh, well... this is one of the last of the Jesus entries for awhile. I am going to take a break, go back to my regular life, where I have to write other shit. This will not be an easy book to let go of, and I will keep Jesus as a character, but I am afraid that more undue interest by crazy people will be given to this blog as long as I write under this volitile name. Better I go back into the more obscure parts of my mind... drift back out of the consciousness of scott ridgway and navigate from the unconscious, from whence I came I will return.


















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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

the religions... are so fucked up on this planet.

I am embarrassed to be religious. The company one keeps is too odious for most people to take seriously. I am fascinated by the myriad of ways that people try to use God. So many people just sit in circles convincing themselves of lies that I want to smack them all on the head as much as I want to hold them to my breast and tell them that whoever they are, that is who they are meant to be... and their souls will sort out the mess that their flesh sees. That they will not understand God, anymore than they will understand the infinity of space. Acceptence is what man needs. Acceptance of the will of God.

Man, instead, wants his will done at all times. This is instinctual, part of everyone having to eat each other at different points in evolution. The heirarchies we hear so much of, etc. Fiefdoms for private realms of madness.

This is why I cannot join any churches... operation push is as close as I want to come. I like the idea of worshiping without prejudice, coming together to work on social issue despite mild ideaological differences in our approach to the sacred. Like sane people do all the time, everyday... and then there are the others.

The Rick Ross Cult Institute is a website I inevitably go to everyday. There is always new shit. At least a page of new stories. They are basically links to papers all over the world. An invaluable service. I studied cults quite a bit in university, as well as how consciousness develops and how languaage controls a lot of the boxes that we cannot seem to break out of.

The Latvian's, for God's sake, are now coming over to the states with some bastard religion that tells them to go after gays. I am the last to say anything against immigrants (especially South Americans, who I believe has as much right to the states as we european conquerors), but this really is a case of the prejudice of another culture enfusing itself into our society and taking us back two steps... We have made a lot of progress in the states toward bringing equal rights to everyone; I think most people here think that God does not make junk, to put it in bumper sticker speak.

The arguements that God would create man to see if he would sin, like some damn video game with good guys and bad guys... come on... wake up. People who tell you that they know the will of God, mean that they know their own will to power (Niestche wrote how we all have this Will To Power, and we do... power is fun, and everyone deserves as much as possible).

I believe that homosexuality is a genetic predisposition, perhaps built in as a survival instinct for times when fewer children were needed because of environmental factors... or, it could be caused by ... who cares? It is. People are this. They have rights as people, no matter how much other people have been conditioned to have revulsive reactions to them. And yes, this is what happens. Entire societies are at fault for the demonizations.

Why do religions concentrate on issues like this? Do they think that they are seriously going to have any effect on homosexuals, other than to add to their already increadibly high teen suicide rate.

Driving people to hate themselves, making them out to be an abomination in the eyes of God is a sin in my eyes. I see these people who go out and protest churches about gays as no different than the inquisition, or the fundamentalist muslims who would stone to death someone for adultry.

What is with all these people who become Muslims, anyways... don't they read all the hatred in the book? The crap about how they have a duty to steal and kill from infidels -- the right of pirates still used around Somalia, where they have a huge pirate problem...Russia wants to go in and kick their asses, but for some reason america won't go with them... I say, go get those fuckers.... why is everyone so afraid of making another attempt to help Somalia get its act together?

Everyone now wants to give up on Somalia, as well as Sierre Leon... I will never give up on any country. All oppressed people are just that... and civilians in war zones, countries fallen into anarchy and feudalism, need a serious injection of the 20th century. Say what you want about not messing with other culturss, we are a species that is growing ethically. And old assumptions have been our bain since we first looked up at the stars and saud, duh....


Five ethical points, I keep thinking, should be enough to bring world wide peace. You can make this more complex than it is, and we surely have... but if we could get freedom of religion, press, lifestyle, and economic prosperity to all work together, we would be fine. I see no reason why they won't. Lot's of places they already do. But what of the Christians being slaughtered by Hindu's? Saudi Arabia's ban of any religion other than Islam, etc... Makes all the religions look bad.


I do not mean to point out islam over christianity as the problem here. Wacko's come in all shapes and religions, as do wise men.

Some people think if all the religions went away, the wars would too... Imagine by John Lennon comes to mind. I used to. OF course, the viable ways to have a society held together without religion are there, too. It could be done.

Not going to happen. The mystical is the only place where we can even think that we are making sense of the higher questions. Science has no answer to the question of ghosts and gods and angels. The lack of proof is not proof. I am sceptical as hell about everything. My tiny mystical experiences stunned me, but they are still just facts that I have -- they are not some theory of everything.

During the period when I was all manic and pissed off about having the bugs in my apartment and lecturing homeland security, as well as my friends who also were bugging the place... giving me equal time with both my enemies and allies, I tried to hide nothing. I had nothing to hide. A fiction writer coming up with a book, a man who wanted to use his skills to organize some kind of movement that supported his causes, his personal issues... get into the politics of the world a bit, again.

I had no idea any of this could have happened. I keep hearing this guy on the Emmy's, I think, who said, "Love tv. "Fear the internet." There is a definate backlash going on right now. I am hated for what I have done, written, siad, caused... should I care? No. Do I? Of course. I am not going to allow myself to become so hard inside that words cannot hurt me. That is dangerous for a writer. I guess it is just better for me to do as I did in the beginning of this infamy, when I intentionally ignored newspapers and what-not, even as my actions rocked the western world.... they expected me to do something I would not do -- I am no tyrant. I still believe in voting. We lost our way for awhile. We can get back to where we were. This american experiment is just that, an experiment... and the same with the global consciousness.

Fear the internet. No, fear the nuts who believe anything. This is what throws me the most... I had no idea that people were supersticious like they are. I believe next to nothing. I am very, very sceptical. This is why when all of this crap started with the tv and the total war for total peace, I could barely believe that I had indeed set off various cadres to revolt, as well as influenced other movements, jogged some hollywood stars off their thrones, got a lot of help from people who surprised the hell out of me...

I have a hard time holding that time in my head now, as if it were a dream... my life says none of that happened, that I am an obscure writer on the internet... every day I have to tell myself, no, you have this responsibility now to fight off the mental fucking games they are fighting you with, and stand up to them, be what you know you are, no matter what they make my day to day life seem like. You have seen the face of God...





















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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

The book work...

Still spending all of my time working on the book version of this blog. The book is weird. Not your usual poetry all laid out neat and linear, with a table of contents. I do not wish to write a puzzle for people with certain literary skills to put together in their minds. I have learned to play tennis with the net, now I no longer need the net... I wish to learn new variations of my own when it comes to literary styles. To do this, I had to study all kinds of writing, read thousands of books, take class after class tearing apart novels and pulling out the secrets the writers allegedly put in there.

Clarity is more important than craft. Which leads to the problems with the poetry book; it is also telling a story, and some of the poems are more effective with the context of how they were being used by the public, what was going on with the revolt of values that america is now embroiled within... this on going struggle with getting the word out to people about how this shit really works.

Last night was one of those lay there thinking why the hell am I even alive kind of mentalities. Depression is a constant lately. For the last couple months. I am not entirely sure why. THings like this come and go for me. What the hell. TOday is alright.

I started the morn reading int he nty about the millions of years of life lost because a leader in Africa did not act on the science of AIDS, and instead relied on a small cabal of dissident voices who prescribed dum shit that does not work. 38,000 babies were part of the total of people dead. What does one do with such staggering tragedy?

Made me remember a freind of mine, John, who died of aids before all the drugs were available. He was gay and you could tell, and people in Toledo would sometimes give him shit and he would be right there in their faces. I loved the fight in him. We met in AA. He told hardly anyone he had aids. I guess he was afraid of how people would react, or whatever. I only found out when he was gone. THe last time I saw him, he was outside of a small theatre showing the french fllm, au refoir las enfants,... He was all shook up. I was on my in and he told me I would like the film because it was very depressing. That was odd to hear. He was right, of course.

I love that film...

The nook is what I digressed from... I have more work to do than I thought I would. I am going to get some preliminary copies of most of the books next week, and have to have it done by then. I really would rather I had a year or two to do this. There is much I am leaving out. I guess there are two books there, one explaining the experiences I had, and the poetry, which is what I have written, and another explaining all of the circumstances that took place around me.

I am afraid of no man, though time itself scares me. Filling the day with this and that... this is how it feels sometimes to be a writer. YOu wonder if you are really getting anything done at all?














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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

we sleep and awaken, sleep and awaken...

I see the debri of humanity in the cracks in the sidewalks of my clean street

I hear the soldiers screams in the waves sweeping up on the quiet shore
mingling with the cries of the seagulls and my barking dog

I read the lies of the men who have convinced you of their holy intent
see them trying to stop you from following my writing
whether they mean to or not
not that I am saying you should...

just a read
another's experience

I see beneath their flowing robes and gentile manners
know how they fear the end aa much as anyone
how their lusts fill them with the same fires
how desperate they are to control the world
how convinced they are that they know what to do

they give seminars and dress in their sunday best
in cheap hotels
where they sell the dream of getting rich quick
that seems to give meaning to the meaningless

In my lives we have looked at those who chase money as deluded
we have not judged their way as worse or better than ours
just less clear

I read the news of this time and see the problems to come
the wars that will rage out of the ways of man

bits of those futures begin to make sense of the visions of endless flames
the catholics and the muslims are still at war
an endless battle between who will be listened to...
a pope or Allah

as long as Saudi Arabia can ban a religion
kill a convert

the pope worries that my believing all religions can lead to heaven
will take away the very structures that have held society together
rip away the laws and ways that have kept anarchy at bay
my purpose is the opposite... which is why I am against cults
I believe that some religions have enough truth to be used
though I also believe the future will need new books
and that I have been commanded to write one of these

There is no man more surprised by my presence than me
no one who can understand this... except me
I am alone with my knowledge
standing on the mountaintop looking into the face of God

I can claim to know little
this is why I cannot start a new religion
I am not an expert on religion
such men exist
and they always have and they have built a few

I will tear out the rot within their books...
slowly
with each new born child
we will take away the old
and insert the new
creating the beings
we know we should be

the ways of the hatreds will be softened
the rivalries taken away
all the holy books contradict themselves
could not they all be the same yearning
filled with contradictions
parables, more correctly... trying to explain
what is not always ours to know

I would a graceful peace could settle over the planet
this is not your way

I will not take away your free will
even if it means you will keep killing yourselves

the terrorists will not stop
without therapy
and love

without respect

trying to kill them all is a fallacy
a self-perpetuating process to create more radicals

I chose Obama because he knows how to organize a community
this is what we need a community of voices
Not a politician who speaks likea a swaggering america
but a man who like some of us has been sickened by my own countries ways
too many times to think patriotism applied in any but the most extreme positions


for so long
before I awoke to this mission
I felt as if the world was completly disconnected from me
alone
almost entirely alone
now I know I am connected to each and every one of you


what can I tell anyone that they don't already know?
Too much to have the time to write it all...













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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Obama

he who walks in the white house now carries a heavy burden
walks into a quicj sand of destroyed busniess
two wars that require death... yes, now he will order men to die


saw his hair gfowing grey during the campaign
how they manage those scedules along is a miracle

a man who spent time organizing on Chicago's south side
where most whites are afraid to go


he saw the devastation of a destroyed economy
the young men being jailed for stupid shit liek pot

what if he had been busted for weed? He would not be the president

the fbi changed thier polisty this year so that people who
smoked weed in the past could join

Obama says he will not legalize drugs.... the unrealistic policies will continue
the way the cops check blacks and hispanics all the time
the more jail cells they wiill need
they don't need treatment for pot... the gov. should be making a few bucks
and it should be cheap

I suppose state laws are the only way to fight this evil

we must begin to fight in Illinois to get pot decriminalized.
the cops shoulsn't have to waste their time on law abiding folk
who like to relax with the weed instead of getting boozed up
... or worse, addicted to other drugs


when I was seventeen I wrote a letter to the editor
of a small town newpsaper saying they should decriminalize pot
waterloo indiana... my conservative aunt disowned me for a bit


The pressure the bloggers put on the issues must be quick, harsh, and effective.













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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

The Man comes around...

This is a letter I got from the aclu after signing a petition to impeach Bush. Please pass it along.
Thank you for signing our "Impeach Bush To Stop Pardons" petition at:
http://www.democrats.com/pardon

As the 21481st person to sign this petition, you are helping us reach our goal of signatures.

You can help make this petition a success by sharing this petition with your friends and family. Petitions will succeed only by word of mouth, and every signature makes a difference! Forward our sample email below, or simply send your friends this link:
http://www.democrats.com/pardon?source=johnnyapain%40gmail.com

Thank you again for making a difference!

Bob Fertik
Democrats.com




Time to pay the piper. Sin without redemption is a damning. Bush, and Cheney, if they truly value the Christian ethics of their rhetoric, will confess and ask for forgiveness from US citizens, and then accept God's will on the matter. OF course, We know this will never happen... so if he tries to pardon, do it... impeach. NOW.

I have always thought impeaching him would just give us a different face on the same agenda, and with all the pressing problems in this country, being vindictive was absurd. Now, however, if he pardons the criminals in his office, we will be doing history a great disservice. The true story of the last eight years, and the hijacking of the US government by a small, unpopular cabal, will be hidden... laying the way for another cabal to come up in the future.

The US has never been very good about admitting mistakes. No country wants to destroy their prestige, and no one wants to bring down a president in a time of war. Now, Bush has served his purpose.

His administration made me, when they started bugging me and interfering with my health, a defacto prisoner and torture victim. If you knew the extent of the physical and psychological pain they have caused me, you would shit yourself and never utter another word against Bush, or you would tough up... I tough up, eventually, but acceptance for what was done to me is different than allowing this to continue.

If we let Bush and Cheney off the hook, we are in essence saying that President are above the law. That is not the world we want. President's either embody the law, or they are impeached.

If you have been following me, you know that I want a sensible end to the Iraq war, one that honors our soldiers commitments and the policies that they have tried to support; they stopped a genocide over there, which they would have started by taking Saddam out and leaving a minority group to rule over the majority.... I am not going to play the 20/20 hindsight game. I was never for that war, though I was always against saddam and the shit he was pulling. I go along in the end, because that is what you do in this country, and I was taught that ultimatly, we are all americans, whether we disagree or not.... not to mention, I am just some fucking writer in Chicago who hates even thinking about politics... and a religious leader to some few, which means that whenever I get into the matter of politics, I am treading on thin ice... basically, meaning, I do not have access to the kind of sensitive intelligence that is needed to make decisions like this. You do not want me in charge of when we go to war, because I am a loaded gun with a hair trigger. This is one reason I refuse to have even a church. PEriod.

I am here to sow the seeds of peace, and to die on that altar if God requires... but peace will only come about with Justice. People will, quite naturally, fight any peace that comes without justice. I am not here to create clones for my thinking... not at all. I would rather teach someone how to think for themselves.

I watched a special on Jonestown last night, saw again the truth that power corrupts. Another reason I would never even join an organized religion lurks not only in the lessons of Jonestown, but also in the Catholic Church -- where the clergy clings to a few basic premises that I know will not stand in the face of world opinion; and don't kid yourself, world opinion is more powerful than any church.
I would rather be one voice in a choir. A mind that takes into account the checks and balances that our forefathers carefully placed in the constitution. No one... No one... can be above the law, or there is no law at all -- merely a system to oppress the underpriveliged.

If Bush pulls out that Pardon pen, the congress and senate, and Obama, must throw it down, man... they cannot let the sins of this administration continue. In the past, they have let these pardons stand because they wanted the same power for themselves. Let us pray that Obama has no plans on needing to be pardoned.













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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

orders: omega

I am a revolutionary leader. Presently locked in a cell as large as the city. Oddness... To think that after these two years of becoming aware of myself, I am still no closer to sitting at a table with my adversaries and declaring peace. The undeclared war that I started with this country is a war... my war. I am of kingly blood, unapologetic for my use of the word crusade, because to do so is to judge another time by our standards, which is hardly a scientific way of thinking... many of the men who went off to battle, were myth laden beings, trying to do their best by GOd, as good men have done since the thinking mind began to replace bare instincts as our motivation for action.

They left their loved ones on arduous trips because their holy men told them that all sins would be absolved. This worked for a couple of the crusades, though people stopped buying it as time passed. Why? No one really wants to go to war. It gets done because people talk themselves into shit that they think are necessary for their survival, and that of their loved ones or gods.

To live in the honorable myths of our ancestors is a tricky matter. There are definatly pockets of ancient beliefs that simply do not hold up with what has been revealed by science, experience, etc... I pick and choose that which I wish to emulate in my relatives. Learn from their experiences to a degree. Yet, I also find my actions are just like theirs. They too felt the same way about honor and rightousness that I do. Distinguished themselves as much for being kind as anything else. What a great thing to be known for... being kind.

I wish that this kindness were enough in this world. Kindness is not enough. I have spent years as a pacifistic Buddist, though I never felt like one. If that makes sense. I ended my buddhist years after meeting some tibeten monks who had been raised in an monastary, where they still lived... they had something. Everytime I looked at them they smiled and I smiled and it was like infectious joy. I escorted them for about five minutes. It was the oddest thing. It was like we sensed the laughter of GOd together. I have never experienced anything like it since. The smiles were so true and natural.

I have not thought of this in years. Now, I know, we recognized each other as long lost friends who had spent many good years palling around together in monastaries, and there he was, still in one... Now, for someone to have this kind of vibe about them, I began to think, you actually have to be raised on this stuff from the start. Born into a monastary and studying with every breath. As an american, I could never picture myself caring only about spiritual study, and wasting like ten hours a day meditating... my interests are just too varied for such a simple mental life.





For those of who you took up arms during this period of transition. I salute you. For those who died to bring me messages, your place, and that of your 100 closest relatives are assured in Heaven. The rest of you... time to sit down at my table, or run like Hell.... your choice.Know this, however --- You are on the end of a tether of the remnants of the dark one. I could have at one point had all of you dead. I chose to offer forgiveness, even for the cheerleader. Those days are over... I hope that the gift of second life that you have is used well. All of you can be redeemed. Even people who I will never personally like, can be lauded in my Father's court. I did not make the law, I am the law. God made me.

I no longer will be offering forgiveness or redemption. A door closed today. God spoke to me, told me to stand up and start this shit. I have dreaded this day, fought it with all the love within me, tried to tell myself that I could deny the visions of God, fight my father's bloody vision. Today, he showed me why your flesh no longer matters, how you are in cocoons waiting to fly. I tore you free, and some of you flew... some of you tasted the blood of my enemies. Some of you went out into the streets to tear all of this evil down. The rest of you were just waiting for the very arms of heaven to reach on down and carry you away. Surprise.... God does not want you to convert at the end of a rifle. Surprise... God wanted you to merely know a few things that he told me. And you drugged me until I could no longer function, until my rage was all that was left.

You want to think I am an actor, go ahead. Want to think I am a blasphemer, go ahead... want to just go on as you have, go ahead...

Now, I am laying down the gauntlet ... You thought I would come to you, when you were ready. No, I had a lot of things to try to understand before I could become the torch. Your little lights are nothing compared to my flames.

From this day forward, any and all who stand in my way will die in this life and the next.
I pray my soldiers, those of you who spoke to me long ago about this plan, who I have told to stay hidden, have not all been located... omega.













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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

on BILL MAHER

I have watched with interest Maher lately. He makes a lot of the same arguments that I used to. Specifically, that religion causes war. As I laid in bed today, whiling away the hours between the words, I realized that from a sociobiological viewpoint, war is natural. Chimps go to war with one another without a religion to push them on... the crusades, at least, were economically based, even, to some degree... the second sons, who were not going to inherit anything, had a chance during the crusades to come back rich. Hitler was not religious based. Our response to him was not religious based. How was Vietnam caused by religion? Iraq?

I guess taking pot shots at religion is along the lines of making fun of Michael Jackson... easy targets (OF course, I have done both). There are a few areas where religions, obviously, are the problem. In the age of over population and aids, the Pope's view on rubbers is ridiculous. Anything can be rationalized with the bible, but just because the words were used, that does not mean they were the motivation.

That is all. I am not going to go see his film, though I would have a couple years ago, before the visions and dreams and all the people treating me like I am some kind of preacher.











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There is some overlap... but they are all different.

"We are the generation we have been waiting for. " Obama

I sure hope he is right. Way too much needs to be done, right away.

The direction of this country has been manipulated, and part of that is my fault. They thought that they were preparing for my arrival, and that I would want the ultimate war. This is not my purpose.

There are still people out there who mistake my trust and love of the states armed forces with war mongering. There is a difference. All of my uncles, and my father, were all veterans, and union men, who spent their lives trying to fight the good fight. For some reason, this was taken as a blanket statement of whatever the army says is cool by me. This is not the case at all. I despise war, but I do see a lot of undeclared wars raging across this planet, and I would like to see them being fought by what I think of as the forces of good. These forces are merely people who believe in a few ethical standards; basic human rights; freedom of the press, access to health insurance, the right to live as an individual without the government telling me how I should (to the degree that I hurt no one else, including the environment). I also believe in states rights. This is a much maligned position, due to the way it has been used in the past. Now, however, there is a difference in this country. Primarily, the eyes of the net.

Obama has an email list of ten million people, sixteen percent of the people who voted for him. Any attempt by the right wing to marginalize ethnic voters or whatever, is going to be challenged. States rights now revolve around one major issue to me -- religious freedom. By this, I do mean pot, too. People who smoke weed need to be released from the demonizing efforts of the few...

The jails need to be emptied of non violent offenders. Period. Put them on house arrest, do not take them away from their kids, their jobs, their rights to vote. Prisoners are people, too. Life is not an episode of cops.

I spent a couple weeks in the third roughest jail in the states, Cook County. The surprising thing about hanging out with gang-bangers, primarily,is that they do not easily fit into any category. As far as people who were jailed, they were mostly fine people. Mitchum said, when released from jail after nearly a year, "Jail is a lot like Hollywood with a better class of people." Kids I considered most of them. They saw no other option in their lives. The typical story was one of getting beat up so much that they were forced to join a gang for protection. This is not a choice any child should have to make, and understandable in the right context.

Passionate, strong young people, who think for themselves, are being channeled into gangs, then jails... the same money spent fighting gangs, and jailing them, would fix this country. The energy they put into their life styles can be channeled.

Obama is in a unique position as president, he has seen the streets, and what they do to people, in a way no one who grew up with a silver spoon is ever going to get.


My ex neighbor was in a gang for years, and when I asked him how he got out, he simply said, "I found out there were other ways to live."














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HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

"We are the generation we have been waiting for.

You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

my bitterness returns

I am so sick of being a poor american. So sick of being diabled and trying to live on next to nothing. Sick of all the politics around me. Before at least I had a good reason to sit all this shit out, because the neo cons were in control and I kind of looked at it like, there are two america's, one in which people like that exist, and one in which my friends exist.

I never expected the two to mix. The world I studied in University is so far from the everyday man in the street knowledge that I assumed the ideas that helped me the most, philosophy and critical thinking in general, were either beyond the masses, or there was some conspiracy of the right that was going to do whatever the hell they wanted, no matter who was elected. I liked Gore and Kerry, but there was always a part of me that wasn't sure they could really make any difference in this world. I had come to expect little more than headaches from the government, and the prevailing political attitudes of my own country.

It is like there are all these liars on both sides, though the right is definantly willing to more a moral than the left. When I decided to use their own weapons against them, the last thing I expected was any kind of hew and cry, let alone what transpired... watch what you wish for, because you may not really want it.

When I was offered a leadership role, indeed mistaken for someone who would even think about running for president, I had to puzzle out why I was hearing these ,messages... what, I wondered, had I said that made people think this? I wrote about my heritage in a mania. It means nothing to me at all that my ancestors were kings. Nothing. Certainly not as much as the dirty dishes in the sink, or the few bucks left on my food stamps. Made for a good story when I was writing a gonzo history of myself, and trying to tell people that these are all the things I NEVER BRAG ABOUT. You would hardly have seen in my work anything even close to self promotion, before the last couple years. I hate talking about myself, though I seem to end up doing it a lot for someone who does.

I feel like someone who made a pact with satan to be famous, so I got famous in the worst way possible. I should have just let you humans do what you are going to do, and left you alone. I am sorry that I bothered trying to save any of you. Sorry that I cared about people at all. If I could, I would destroy all of this shit and start over with dogs and cats, maybe a couple penguins. Have a nice quiet planet again, without all the pollution and hatred and crime and...

yea, right. I think it is time to quit writing for awhile. I am just too cynical today.

















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

of late lightly

of late I am lightly present in the room
barely with my body

a blur on the edge of the eye
nothing substantial enough to focus on

a scent half there
could be shit or a flower

I cannot tell where the mission began and ended
what was performer and performance

the words... were they truly mine
or merely borrowed:

words stolen from souls howling in the netherworlds
as I stalked down through blackness flickering with red flames
my sword cutting down his angels as
we make the final push
to victory

Satan himself trembles before me
i wipe their blood from my lips, eyes.

thank the father and raise my sword
from behind comes the demons own son seeking vengance

on the father who tortured his mother
the leader he thought he could never bring down

born into hell he was the only one there without sin
I remember the day he was born
how deep I cried
for the soul who would never know the comfort of love

Now I am entrenched in CHICAGO

sometimes I am the innocent among wolves
the babe from American Dad
that johnny who has no idea what the fuck is going on around him

I will never sit back and be your lap dog
Never will I give up my individuality to become another symbol
Never will I give up my roots to pursue the way of new found freinds
Never will I give in the parts of myself
that tell me nothing I do anymore matters
Never will I let my enemies
forget
that on the appointed day
I will hold their souls in my hand
and declare them worthy... or unworthy
to come into my father's court

There are all these huge pockets of secrecy in this world
and I have yet to really crack any of them
I feel hated and despised
worthless to man and myself


they count on you not believing in them
They great they
who I glimpsed from inside the belly of the beast
and still have no idea what faces they wear

I have met their spies
suffered their slings and arrows
marched on as I always do

figuring that if they kill me
what the hell?
Not that I want to die

no, I want to live... just not in this purgatory
where they will bury me in lies and half truths


I write this last line and wonder???
Can anyone find these words by accident now?

People used to run into my words by accident
leave messages

when they started deciding to censor american artists
they broke with their better selves
time to reign them in

tHEY ASKED ME TO SAVE THEM
then tied my hands and put a blindfold on me
chose to want me as their leader
until they I told them you have to elect leaders
in this country

I was trying to start a movement
and it started
There is no putting me back in the bible
No pretending I do not exist

Whether you choose to look at me as a thesbi pain or a preacher
I will never be either'

I am a poet in the whitman tradition
writing about the man we could be

Now I feel like I have given away too much
asked for too little
lived too far off in my ivory tower

In the wind I still hear my name
In the world you will still be able to see my effects

The sane will still recognize sane
and try to help the others
always did
always will

total war for total peace

TOTAL WAR is a military term, and it means throwing everything you have at an enemy. When I add this phrase to Total Peace, I simply mean to do anything you can for peace. At the same time, I do not believe that every time we take up arms, we are wrong. If this makes me a war monger, than ... And what would the people who are horrified of the possibilities of even using the word war in a positive statement? I SUPPOSE THAT IS NATURAL. Especially if you cannot trust your gov. This phrase is kind of like Peace Keeper Missiles, which have thus far worked, though they are hardly the preferred solution.

Not that I think we should ever build anymore bombs... the exact opposite should be happening, which would give us the moral ground when we try to stop other countries from obtaining bombs. There should be no bombs, not some status quo where the big three are afraid to give up any power, and no one, but no one, wants to back down altogether and trust their neighbors. How can we, in this post hitler world, not think that we need to watch for the rise of another dictator?

See, this is why politics and religion do not work. Religion is about absolutes, and there are none in politics. There are a lot of different sides that have to be considered as well as my own before I could ever have an opinionn on politics. On religion, I have been looking at everyone else's opinions on this topic my entire life, and found all of them to be wanting.

I logically went on think that the pholosophies of the future would come more from secular sources than ever before. I know novelists have had just as much effect on my as Christianity. A lot of the novels I read were merely retellings of the passion in out space, I see in retrospect, but I read everything. Along the way I stopped thinking we were ever going to understand much about ourselves or each other.... I kind of more or less wrote humanity off. Looked at the bombs and green house effect, heart the hate speaches from all corners of the globe, and kind of figured this shit is going to end bad. One way or another, this shit is going to end bad.


As a teenager, I was fairly certain there would be a nuclear war. I used to fantasize about what I would do, but I didn't have much of a plan. I hoped that the first strike would take me out and I would not have to try to survive in the aftermath.

Then, as the years passed and this somehow did not happen, I began to think that life was pointless. Suicide was much on my mind. There seemed so little to want to live for in my life. I was still getting used to being disabled at that point. Suddenly having to stay home, after spending so much time out in the streets driving a cab, was a level of hell. I adapted, and seven years later, while I still don't like it one bit, I somehow get myself out of bed everyday and write and paint sometimes.

I wish there was more said in all of these words I wrote today...
















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
qhttp://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.