TRUE STORY:

WAKING UP JESUS


The ongoing story of Jesus waking up in Chicago, in the body of an agnostic writer,
who is nothing like the Son of God the right-wing Christians watching him expected.


You are welcome to share my work with a link bank... keep getting asked this...

Last time I was here, I told them I would not lead a revolution, that I was there to spread heresy. The crowds thinned. The day they killed me, I marched alone... This time I have returned to find Romes Soldiers Sleeping, content they have killed off the Troublesome Jew. I was surprised how bloody the Indiana boy became as my sword fell again and again ....


In the years since this story began in 2007, my secret fame has spread out from the halls of power that kept me secret all these years, as they waited for the Christ to finally wake up...

I try to imagine their anticipation.

Remember a dream I had in my twenties about running thru Chicago screaming that Christ was coming back, and man oh man was I happy... a cloud came through the middle of the skyscrapers above me, in the thin strip of blue above Dowtown State street, and I expected to see Christ... instead, just a bunch of musicians painted up like Ziggy stardust.

I surprised my keepers. They thought they had me figured out from the Bible. If that book could have told you everything, there would be no need at all for me.


Jesus: "I have become Known across this planet as a dangerous man with a growing force of hidden followers who value my orders more than life itself. A prophet of war. Once and future King in a court of shadows. Life and death in my hands every damn day. I ROAR, your most mighty shit themselves and run. I make myself a known threat, so I can try to negotiate what otherwise requires bullets and blood. I am here to free the enslaved in body and mind. I cannot be defeated. When the Will of God and The WILL OF THE PEOPLE ARE ONE, NO FORCE ON EARTH CAN STOP US!"





WAKING UP JESUS...

WAKING UP JESUS...
We come into this life expecting too much and leave expecting too little

Saturday, November 29, 2008

two as one... the abortion of self

People seldom spit clean in two

having one side of self an agnostic/fuctioning athiest
another raging prophecies that barely make sense to me

I always wonder how a God could exist without just coming to earth
and saying, "Alright, stop this shit right now. Love each other and all that. You know better. Or else, I am smitting you and starting over with star nosed moles."

I have tried long enough to ponder questions like this. A pointless endeavor? Hard to tell. Why bother to look for what is not there? Factual proof of the spiritual is just not going to be there. They probably operate on such different levels that our understanding is very, very limited. Perhaps that is what time and space are, constant questions that we are going to have to answer... and there will never be this one Big Answer? Certainly this is the experience of life. However, there have been nearly magical, unexplainable occurances in my life that no amount of scientific pushing and pulling will tear apart seem to mute.

I can explain the dreams, in a way, where I saw the face of god and the lightening and lava pouring from my body... but they did not seem like dreams at all. Period. And when I was thinking about how to write a new bible, I began to dream of how to do it... a first. I am not saying that this 'new bible will mean as much as a book of poetry... THe purpose is not to replace any religions, say anyone is necessarily wrong or whatever... just to update the ethics a bit, try to meld the secular and sacred.

Oh, well... this is one of the last of the Jesus entries for awhile. I am going to take a break, go back to my regular life, where I have to write other shit. This will not be an easy book to let go of, and I will keep Jesus as a character, but I am afraid that more undue interest by crazy people will be given to this blog as long as I write under this volitile name. Better I go back into the more obscure parts of my mind... drift back out of the consciousness of scott ridgway and navigate from the unconscious, from whence I came I will return.


















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

the religions... are so fucked up on this planet.

I am embarrassed to be religious. The company one keeps is too odious for most people to take seriously. I am fascinated by the myriad of ways that people try to use God. So many people just sit in circles convincing themselves of lies that I want to smack them all on the head as much as I want to hold them to my breast and tell them that whoever they are, that is who they are meant to be... and their souls will sort out the mess that their flesh sees. That they will not understand God, anymore than they will understand the infinity of space. Acceptence is what man needs. Acceptance of the will of God.

Man, instead, wants his will done at all times. This is instinctual, part of everyone having to eat each other at different points in evolution. The heirarchies we hear so much of, etc. Fiefdoms for private realms of madness.

This is why I cannot join any churches... operation push is as close as I want to come. I like the idea of worshiping without prejudice, coming together to work on social issue despite mild ideaological differences in our approach to the sacred. Like sane people do all the time, everyday... and then there are the others.

The Rick Ross Cult Institute is a website I inevitably go to everyday. There is always new shit. At least a page of new stories. They are basically links to papers all over the world. An invaluable service. I studied cults quite a bit in university, as well as how consciousness develops and how languaage controls a lot of the boxes that we cannot seem to break out of.

The Latvian's, for God's sake, are now coming over to the states with some bastard religion that tells them to go after gays. I am the last to say anything against immigrants (especially South Americans, who I believe has as much right to the states as we european conquerors), but this really is a case of the prejudice of another culture enfusing itself into our society and taking us back two steps... We have made a lot of progress in the states toward bringing equal rights to everyone; I think most people here think that God does not make junk, to put it in bumper sticker speak.

The arguements that God would create man to see if he would sin, like some damn video game with good guys and bad guys... come on... wake up. People who tell you that they know the will of God, mean that they know their own will to power (Niestche wrote how we all have this Will To Power, and we do... power is fun, and everyone deserves as much as possible).

I believe that homosexuality is a genetic predisposition, perhaps built in as a survival instinct for times when fewer children were needed because of environmental factors... or, it could be caused by ... who cares? It is. People are this. They have rights as people, no matter how much other people have been conditioned to have revulsive reactions to them. And yes, this is what happens. Entire societies are at fault for the demonizations.

Why do religions concentrate on issues like this? Do they think that they are seriously going to have any effect on homosexuals, other than to add to their already increadibly high teen suicide rate.

Driving people to hate themselves, making them out to be an abomination in the eyes of God is a sin in my eyes. I see these people who go out and protest churches about gays as no different than the inquisition, or the fundamentalist muslims who would stone to death someone for adultry.

What is with all these people who become Muslims, anyways... don't they read all the hatred in the book? The crap about how they have a duty to steal and kill from infidels -- the right of pirates still used around Somalia, where they have a huge pirate problem...Russia wants to go in and kick their asses, but for some reason america won't go with them... I say, go get those fuckers.... why is everyone so afraid of making another attempt to help Somalia get its act together?

Everyone now wants to give up on Somalia, as well as Sierre Leon... I will never give up on any country. All oppressed people are just that... and civilians in war zones, countries fallen into anarchy and feudalism, need a serious injection of the 20th century. Say what you want about not messing with other culturss, we are a species that is growing ethically. And old assumptions have been our bain since we first looked up at the stars and saud, duh....


Five ethical points, I keep thinking, should be enough to bring world wide peace. You can make this more complex than it is, and we surely have... but if we could get freedom of religion, press, lifestyle, and economic prosperity to all work together, we would be fine. I see no reason why they won't. Lot's of places they already do. But what of the Christians being slaughtered by Hindu's? Saudi Arabia's ban of any religion other than Islam, etc... Makes all the religions look bad.


I do not mean to point out islam over christianity as the problem here. Wacko's come in all shapes and religions, as do wise men.

Some people think if all the religions went away, the wars would too... Imagine by John Lennon comes to mind. I used to. OF course, the viable ways to have a society held together without religion are there, too. It could be done.

Not going to happen. The mystical is the only place where we can even think that we are making sense of the higher questions. Science has no answer to the question of ghosts and gods and angels. The lack of proof is not proof. I am sceptical as hell about everything. My tiny mystical experiences stunned me, but they are still just facts that I have -- they are not some theory of everything.

During the period when I was all manic and pissed off about having the bugs in my apartment and lecturing homeland security, as well as my friends who also were bugging the place... giving me equal time with both my enemies and allies, I tried to hide nothing. I had nothing to hide. A fiction writer coming up with a book, a man who wanted to use his skills to organize some kind of movement that supported his causes, his personal issues... get into the politics of the world a bit, again.

I had no idea any of this could have happened. I keep hearing this guy on the Emmy's, I think, who said, "Love tv. "Fear the internet." There is a definate backlash going on right now. I am hated for what I have done, written, siad, caused... should I care? No. Do I? Of course. I am not going to allow myself to become so hard inside that words cannot hurt me. That is dangerous for a writer. I guess it is just better for me to do as I did in the beginning of this infamy, when I intentionally ignored newspapers and what-not, even as my actions rocked the western world.... they expected me to do something I would not do -- I am no tyrant. I still believe in voting. We lost our way for awhile. We can get back to where we were. This american experiment is just that, an experiment... and the same with the global consciousness.

Fear the internet. No, fear the nuts who believe anything. This is what throws me the most... I had no idea that people were supersticious like they are. I believe next to nothing. I am very, very sceptical. This is why when all of this crap started with the tv and the total war for total peace, I could barely believe that I had indeed set off various cadres to revolt, as well as influenced other movements, jogged some hollywood stars off their thrones, got a lot of help from people who surprised the hell out of me...

I have a hard time holding that time in my head now, as if it were a dream... my life says none of that happened, that I am an obscure writer on the internet... every day I have to tell myself, no, you have this responsibility now to fight off the mental fucking games they are fighting you with, and stand up to them, be what you know you are, no matter what they make my day to day life seem like. You have seen the face of God...





















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

The book work...

Still spending all of my time working on the book version of this blog. The book is weird. Not your usual poetry all laid out neat and linear, with a table of contents. I do not wish to write a puzzle for people with certain literary skills to put together in their minds. I have learned to play tennis with the net, now I no longer need the net... I wish to learn new variations of my own when it comes to literary styles. To do this, I had to study all kinds of writing, read thousands of books, take class after class tearing apart novels and pulling out the secrets the writers allegedly put in there.

Clarity is more important than craft. Which leads to the problems with the poetry book; it is also telling a story, and some of the poems are more effective with the context of how they were being used by the public, what was going on with the revolt of values that america is now embroiled within... this on going struggle with getting the word out to people about how this shit really works.

Last night was one of those lay there thinking why the hell am I even alive kind of mentalities. Depression is a constant lately. For the last couple months. I am not entirely sure why. THings like this come and go for me. What the hell. TOday is alright.

I started the morn reading int he nty about the millions of years of life lost because a leader in Africa did not act on the science of AIDS, and instead relied on a small cabal of dissident voices who prescribed dum shit that does not work. 38,000 babies were part of the total of people dead. What does one do with such staggering tragedy?

Made me remember a freind of mine, John, who died of aids before all the drugs were available. He was gay and you could tell, and people in Toledo would sometimes give him shit and he would be right there in their faces. I loved the fight in him. We met in AA. He told hardly anyone he had aids. I guess he was afraid of how people would react, or whatever. I only found out when he was gone. THe last time I saw him, he was outside of a small theatre showing the french fllm, au refoir las enfants,... He was all shook up. I was on my in and he told me I would like the film because it was very depressing. That was odd to hear. He was right, of course.

I love that film...

The nook is what I digressed from... I have more work to do than I thought I would. I am going to get some preliminary copies of most of the books next week, and have to have it done by then. I really would rather I had a year or two to do this. There is much I am leaving out. I guess there are two books there, one explaining the experiences I had, and the poetry, which is what I have written, and another explaining all of the circumstances that took place around me.

I am afraid of no man, though time itself scares me. Filling the day with this and that... this is how it feels sometimes to be a writer. YOu wonder if you are really getting anything done at all?














You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Monday, November 24, 2008

we sleep and awaken, sleep and awaken...

I see the debri of humanity in the cracks in the sidewalks of my clean street

I hear the soldiers screams in the waves sweeping up on the quiet shore
mingling with the cries of the seagulls and my barking dog

I read the lies of the men who have convinced you of their holy intent
see them trying to stop you from following my writing
whether they mean to or not
not that I am saying you should...

just a read
another's experience

I see beneath their flowing robes and gentile manners
know how they fear the end aa much as anyone
how their lusts fill them with the same fires
how desperate they are to control the world
how convinced they are that they know what to do

they give seminars and dress in their sunday best
in cheap hotels
where they sell the dream of getting rich quick
that seems to give meaning to the meaningless

In my lives we have looked at those who chase money as deluded
we have not judged their way as worse or better than ours
just less clear

I read the news of this time and see the problems to come
the wars that will rage out of the ways of man

bits of those futures begin to make sense of the visions of endless flames
the catholics and the muslims are still at war
an endless battle between who will be listened to...
a pope or Allah

as long as Saudi Arabia can ban a religion
kill a convert

the pope worries that my believing all religions can lead to heaven
will take away the very structures that have held society together
rip away the laws and ways that have kept anarchy at bay
my purpose is the opposite... which is why I am against cults
I believe that some religions have enough truth to be used
though I also believe the future will need new books
and that I have been commanded to write one of these

There is no man more surprised by my presence than me
no one who can understand this... except me
I am alone with my knowledge
standing on the mountaintop looking into the face of God

I can claim to know little
this is why I cannot start a new religion
I am not an expert on religion
such men exist
and they always have and they have built a few

I will tear out the rot within their books...
slowly
with each new born child
we will take away the old
and insert the new
creating the beings
we know we should be

the ways of the hatreds will be softened
the rivalries taken away
all the holy books contradict themselves
could not they all be the same yearning
filled with contradictions
parables, more correctly... trying to explain
what is not always ours to know

I would a graceful peace could settle over the planet
this is not your way

I will not take away your free will
even if it means you will keep killing yourselves

the terrorists will not stop
without therapy
and love

without respect

trying to kill them all is a fallacy
a self-perpetuating process to create more radicals

I chose Obama because he knows how to organize a community
this is what we need a community of voices
Not a politician who speaks likea a swaggering america
but a man who like some of us has been sickened by my own countries ways
too many times to think patriotism applied in any but the most extreme positions


for so long
before I awoke to this mission
I felt as if the world was completly disconnected from me
alone
almost entirely alone
now I know I am connected to each and every one of you


what can I tell anyone that they don't already know?
Too much to have the time to write it all...













You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Obama

he who walks in the white house now carries a heavy burden
walks into a quicj sand of destroyed busniess
two wars that require death... yes, now he will order men to die


saw his hair gfowing grey during the campaign
how they manage those scedules along is a miracle

a man who spent time organizing on Chicago's south side
where most whites are afraid to go


he saw the devastation of a destroyed economy
the young men being jailed for stupid shit liek pot

what if he had been busted for weed? He would not be the president

the fbi changed thier polisty this year so that people who
smoked weed in the past could join

Obama says he will not legalize drugs.... the unrealistic policies will continue
the way the cops check blacks and hispanics all the time
the more jail cells they wiill need
they don't need treatment for pot... the gov. should be making a few bucks
and it should be cheap

I suppose state laws are the only way to fight this evil

we must begin to fight in Illinois to get pot decriminalized.
the cops shoulsn't have to waste their time on law abiding folk
who like to relax with the weed instead of getting boozed up
... or worse, addicted to other drugs


when I was seventeen I wrote a letter to the editor
of a small town newpsaper saying they should decriminalize pot
waterloo indiana... my conservative aunt disowned me for a bit


The pressure the bloggers put on the issues must be quick, harsh, and effective.













You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Man comes around...

This is a letter I got from the aclu after signing a petition to impeach Bush. Please pass it along.
Thank you for signing our "Impeach Bush To Stop Pardons" petition at:
http://www.democrats.com/pardon

As the 21481st person to sign this petition, you are helping us reach our goal of signatures.

You can help make this petition a success by sharing this petition with your friends and family. Petitions will succeed only by word of mouth, and every signature makes a difference! Forward our sample email below, or simply send your friends this link:
http://www.democrats.com/pardon?source=johnnyapain%40gmail.com

Thank you again for making a difference!

Bob Fertik
Democrats.com




Time to pay the piper. Sin without redemption is a damning. Bush, and Cheney, if they truly value the Christian ethics of their rhetoric, will confess and ask for forgiveness from US citizens, and then accept God's will on the matter. OF course, We know this will never happen... so if he tries to pardon, do it... impeach. NOW.

I have always thought impeaching him would just give us a different face on the same agenda, and with all the pressing problems in this country, being vindictive was absurd. Now, however, if he pardons the criminals in his office, we will be doing history a great disservice. The true story of the last eight years, and the hijacking of the US government by a small, unpopular cabal, will be hidden... laying the way for another cabal to come up in the future.

The US has never been very good about admitting mistakes. No country wants to destroy their prestige, and no one wants to bring down a president in a time of war. Now, Bush has served his purpose.

His administration made me, when they started bugging me and interfering with my health, a defacto prisoner and torture victim. If you knew the extent of the physical and psychological pain they have caused me, you would shit yourself and never utter another word against Bush, or you would tough up... I tough up, eventually, but acceptance for what was done to me is different than allowing this to continue.

If we let Bush and Cheney off the hook, we are in essence saying that President are above the law. That is not the world we want. President's either embody the law, or they are impeached.

If you have been following me, you know that I want a sensible end to the Iraq war, one that honors our soldiers commitments and the policies that they have tried to support; they stopped a genocide over there, which they would have started by taking Saddam out and leaving a minority group to rule over the majority.... I am not going to play the 20/20 hindsight game. I was never for that war, though I was always against saddam and the shit he was pulling. I go along in the end, because that is what you do in this country, and I was taught that ultimatly, we are all americans, whether we disagree or not.... not to mention, I am just some fucking writer in Chicago who hates even thinking about politics... and a religious leader to some few, which means that whenever I get into the matter of politics, I am treading on thin ice... basically, meaning, I do not have access to the kind of sensitive intelligence that is needed to make decisions like this. You do not want me in charge of when we go to war, because I am a loaded gun with a hair trigger. This is one reason I refuse to have even a church. PEriod.

I am here to sow the seeds of peace, and to die on that altar if God requires... but peace will only come about with Justice. People will, quite naturally, fight any peace that comes without justice. I am not here to create clones for my thinking... not at all. I would rather teach someone how to think for themselves.

I watched a special on Jonestown last night, saw again the truth that power corrupts. Another reason I would never even join an organized religion lurks not only in the lessons of Jonestown, but also in the Catholic Church -- where the clergy clings to a few basic premises that I know will not stand in the face of world opinion; and don't kid yourself, world opinion is more powerful than any church.
I would rather be one voice in a choir. A mind that takes into account the checks and balances that our forefathers carefully placed in the constitution. No one... No one... can be above the law, or there is no law at all -- merely a system to oppress the underpriveliged.

If Bush pulls out that Pardon pen, the congress and senate, and Obama, must throw it down, man... they cannot let the sins of this administration continue. In the past, they have let these pardons stand because they wanted the same power for themselves. Let us pray that Obama has no plans on needing to be pardoned.













You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

orders: omega

I am a revolutionary leader. Presently locked in a cell as large as the city. Oddness... To think that after these two years of becoming aware of myself, I am still no closer to sitting at a table with my adversaries and declaring peace. The undeclared war that I started with this country is a war... my war. I am of kingly blood, unapologetic for my use of the word crusade, because to do so is to judge another time by our standards, which is hardly a scientific way of thinking... many of the men who went off to battle, were myth laden beings, trying to do their best by GOd, as good men have done since the thinking mind began to replace bare instincts as our motivation for action.

They left their loved ones on arduous trips because their holy men told them that all sins would be absolved. This worked for a couple of the crusades, though people stopped buying it as time passed. Why? No one really wants to go to war. It gets done because people talk themselves into shit that they think are necessary for their survival, and that of their loved ones or gods.

To live in the honorable myths of our ancestors is a tricky matter. There are definatly pockets of ancient beliefs that simply do not hold up with what has been revealed by science, experience, etc... I pick and choose that which I wish to emulate in my relatives. Learn from their experiences to a degree. Yet, I also find my actions are just like theirs. They too felt the same way about honor and rightousness that I do. Distinguished themselves as much for being kind as anything else. What a great thing to be known for... being kind.

I wish that this kindness were enough in this world. Kindness is not enough. I have spent years as a pacifistic Buddist, though I never felt like one. If that makes sense. I ended my buddhist years after meeting some tibeten monks who had been raised in an monastary, where they still lived... they had something. Everytime I looked at them they smiled and I smiled and it was like infectious joy. I escorted them for about five minutes. It was the oddest thing. It was like we sensed the laughter of GOd together. I have never experienced anything like it since. The smiles were so true and natural.

I have not thought of this in years. Now, I know, we recognized each other as long lost friends who had spent many good years palling around together in monastaries, and there he was, still in one... Now, for someone to have this kind of vibe about them, I began to think, you actually have to be raised on this stuff from the start. Born into a monastary and studying with every breath. As an american, I could never picture myself caring only about spiritual study, and wasting like ten hours a day meditating... my interests are just too varied for such a simple mental life.





For those of who you took up arms during this period of transition. I salute you. For those who died to bring me messages, your place, and that of your 100 closest relatives are assured in Heaven. The rest of you... time to sit down at my table, or run like Hell.... your choice.Know this, however --- You are on the end of a tether of the remnants of the dark one. I could have at one point had all of you dead. I chose to offer forgiveness, even for the cheerleader. Those days are over... I hope that the gift of second life that you have is used well. All of you can be redeemed. Even people who I will never personally like, can be lauded in my Father's court. I did not make the law, I am the law. God made me.

I no longer will be offering forgiveness or redemption. A door closed today. God spoke to me, told me to stand up and start this shit. I have dreaded this day, fought it with all the love within me, tried to tell myself that I could deny the visions of God, fight my father's bloody vision. Today, he showed me why your flesh no longer matters, how you are in cocoons waiting to fly. I tore you free, and some of you flew... some of you tasted the blood of my enemies. Some of you went out into the streets to tear all of this evil down. The rest of you were just waiting for the very arms of heaven to reach on down and carry you away. Surprise.... God does not want you to convert at the end of a rifle. Surprise... God wanted you to merely know a few things that he told me. And you drugged me until I could no longer function, until my rage was all that was left.

You want to think I am an actor, go ahead. Want to think I am a blasphemer, go ahead... want to just go on as you have, go ahead...

Now, I am laying down the gauntlet ... You thought I would come to you, when you were ready. No, I had a lot of things to try to understand before I could become the torch. Your little lights are nothing compared to my flames.

From this day forward, any and all who stand in my way will die in this life and the next.
I pray my soldiers, those of you who spoke to me long ago about this plan, who I have told to stay hidden, have not all been located... omega.













You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

on BILL MAHER

I have watched with interest Maher lately. He makes a lot of the same arguments that I used to. Specifically, that religion causes war. As I laid in bed today, whiling away the hours between the words, I realized that from a sociobiological viewpoint, war is natural. Chimps go to war with one another without a religion to push them on... the crusades, at least, were economically based, even, to some degree... the second sons, who were not going to inherit anything, had a chance during the crusades to come back rich. Hitler was not religious based. Our response to him was not religious based. How was Vietnam caused by religion? Iraq?

I guess taking pot shots at religion is along the lines of making fun of Michael Jackson... easy targets (OF course, I have done both). There are a few areas where religions, obviously, are the problem. In the age of over population and aids, the Pope's view on rubbers is ridiculous. Anything can be rationalized with the bible, but just because the words were used, that does not mean they were the motivation.

That is all. I am not going to go see his film, though I would have a couple years ago, before the visions and dreams and all the people treating me like I am some kind of preacher.











You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Monday, November 10, 2008

"We are the generation we have been waiting for. " Obama

I sure hope he is right. Way too much needs to be done, right away.

The direction of this country has been manipulated, and part of that is my fault. They thought that they were preparing for my arrival, and that I would want the ultimate war. This is not my purpose.

There are still people out there who mistake my trust and love of the states armed forces with war mongering. There is a difference. All of my uncles, and my father, were all veterans, and union men, who spent their lives trying to fight the good fight. For some reason, this was taken as a blanket statement of whatever the army says is cool by me. This is not the case at all. I despise war, but I do see a lot of undeclared wars raging across this planet, and I would like to see them being fought by what I think of as the forces of good. These forces are merely people who believe in a few ethical standards; basic human rights; freedom of the press, access to health insurance, the right to live as an individual without the government telling me how I should (to the degree that I hurt no one else, including the environment). I also believe in states rights. This is a much maligned position, due to the way it has been used in the past. Now, however, there is a difference in this country. Primarily, the eyes of the net.

Obama has an email list of ten million people, sixteen percent of the people who voted for him. Any attempt by the right wing to marginalize ethnic voters or whatever, is going to be challenged. States rights now revolve around one major issue to me -- religious freedom. By this, I do mean pot, too. People who smoke weed need to be released from the demonizing efforts of the few...

The jails need to be emptied of non violent offenders. Period. Put them on house arrest, do not take them away from their kids, their jobs, their rights to vote. Prisoners are people, too. Life is not an episode of cops.

I spent a couple weeks in the third roughest jail in the states, Cook County. The surprising thing about hanging out with gang-bangers, primarily,is that they do not easily fit into any category. As far as people who were jailed, they were mostly fine people. Mitchum said, when released from jail after nearly a year, "Jail is a lot like Hollywood with a better class of people." Kids I considered most of them. They saw no other option in their lives. The typical story was one of getting beat up so much that they were forced to join a gang for protection. This is not a choice any child should have to make, and understandable in the right context.

Passionate, strong young people, who think for themselves, are being channeled into gangs, then jails... the same money spent fighting gangs, and jailing them, would fix this country. The energy they put into their life styles can be channeled.

Obama is in a unique position as president, he has seen the streets, and what they do to people, in a way no one who grew up with a silver spoon is ever going to get.


My ex neighbor was in a gang for years, and when I asked him how he got out, he simply said, "I found out there were other ways to live."














You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

"We are the generation we have been waiting for.

You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

my bitterness returns

I am so sick of being a poor american. So sick of being diabled and trying to live on next to nothing. Sick of all the politics around me. Before at least I had a good reason to sit all this shit out, because the neo cons were in control and I kind of looked at it like, there are two america's, one in which people like that exist, and one in which my friends exist.

I never expected the two to mix. The world I studied in University is so far from the everyday man in the street knowledge that I assumed the ideas that helped me the most, philosophy and critical thinking in general, were either beyond the masses, or there was some conspiracy of the right that was going to do whatever the hell they wanted, no matter who was elected. I liked Gore and Kerry, but there was always a part of me that wasn't sure they could really make any difference in this world. I had come to expect little more than headaches from the government, and the prevailing political attitudes of my own country.

It is like there are all these liars on both sides, though the right is definantly willing to more a moral than the left. When I decided to use their own weapons against them, the last thing I expected was any kind of hew and cry, let alone what transpired... watch what you wish for, because you may not really want it.

When I was offered a leadership role, indeed mistaken for someone who would even think about running for president, I had to puzzle out why I was hearing these ,messages... what, I wondered, had I said that made people think this? I wrote about my heritage in a mania. It means nothing to me at all that my ancestors were kings. Nothing. Certainly not as much as the dirty dishes in the sink, or the few bucks left on my food stamps. Made for a good story when I was writing a gonzo history of myself, and trying to tell people that these are all the things I NEVER BRAG ABOUT. You would hardly have seen in my work anything even close to self promotion, before the last couple years. I hate talking about myself, though I seem to end up doing it a lot for someone who does.

I feel like someone who made a pact with satan to be famous, so I got famous in the worst way possible. I should have just let you humans do what you are going to do, and left you alone. I am sorry that I bothered trying to save any of you. Sorry that I cared about people at all. If I could, I would destroy all of this shit and start over with dogs and cats, maybe a couple penguins. Have a nice quiet planet again, without all the pollution and hatred and crime and...

yea, right. I think it is time to quit writing for awhile. I am just too cynical today.

















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Friday, November 07, 2008

of late lightly

of late I am lightly present in the room
barely with my body

a blur on the edge of the eye
nothing substantial enough to focus on

a scent half there
could be shit or a flower

I cannot tell where the mission began and ended
what was performer and performance

the words... were they truly mine
or merely borrowed:

words stolen from souls howling in the netherworlds
as I stalked down through blackness flickering with red flames
my sword cutting down his angels as
we make the final push
to victory

Satan himself trembles before me
i wipe their blood from my lips, eyes.

thank the father and raise my sword
from behind comes the demons own son seeking vengance

on the father who tortured his mother
the leader he thought he could never bring down

born into hell he was the only one there without sin
I remember the day he was born
how deep I cried
for the soul who would never know the comfort of love

Now I am entrenched in CHICAGO

sometimes I am the innocent among wolves
the babe from American Dad
that johnny who has no idea what the fuck is going on around him

I will never sit back and be your lap dog
Never will I give up my individuality to become another symbol
Never will I give up my roots to pursue the way of new found freinds
Never will I give in the parts of myself
that tell me nothing I do anymore matters
Never will I let my enemies
forget
that on the appointed day
I will hold their souls in my hand
and declare them worthy... or unworthy
to come into my father's court

There are all these huge pockets of secrecy in this world
and I have yet to really crack any of them
I feel hated and despised
worthless to man and myself


they count on you not believing in them
They great they
who I glimpsed from inside the belly of the beast
and still have no idea what faces they wear

I have met their spies
suffered their slings and arrows
marched on as I always do

figuring that if they kill me
what the hell?
Not that I want to die

no, I want to live... just not in this purgatory
where they will bury me in lies and half truths


I write this last line and wonder???
Can anyone find these words by accident now?

People used to run into my words by accident
leave messages

when they started deciding to censor american artists
they broke with their better selves
time to reign them in

tHEY ASKED ME TO SAVE THEM
then tied my hands and put a blindfold on me
chose to want me as their leader
until they I told them you have to elect leaders
in this country

I was trying to start a movement
and it started
There is no putting me back in the bible
No pretending I do not exist

Whether you choose to look at me as a thesbi pain or a preacher
I will never be either'

I am a poet in the whitman tradition
writing about the man we could be

Now I feel like I have given away too much
asked for too little
lived too far off in my ivory tower

In the wind I still hear my name
In the world you will still be able to see my effects

The sane will still recognize sane
and try to help the others
always did
always will

total war for total peace

TOTAL WAR is a military term, and it means throwing everything you have at an enemy. When I add this phrase to Total Peace, I simply mean to do anything you can for peace. At the same time, I do not believe that every time we take up arms, we are wrong. If this makes me a war monger, than ... And what would the people who are horrified of the possibilities of even using the word war in a positive statement? I SUPPOSE THAT IS NATURAL. Especially if you cannot trust your gov. This phrase is kind of like Peace Keeper Missiles, which have thus far worked, though they are hardly the preferred solution.

Not that I think we should ever build anymore bombs... the exact opposite should be happening, which would give us the moral ground when we try to stop other countries from obtaining bombs. There should be no bombs, not some status quo where the big three are afraid to give up any power, and no one, but no one, wants to back down altogether and trust their neighbors. How can we, in this post hitler world, not think that we need to watch for the rise of another dictator?

See, this is why politics and religion do not work. Religion is about absolutes, and there are none in politics. There are a lot of different sides that have to be considered as well as my own before I could ever have an opinionn on politics. On religion, I have been looking at everyone else's opinions on this topic my entire life, and found all of them to be wanting.

I logically went on think that the pholosophies of the future would come more from secular sources than ever before. I know novelists have had just as much effect on my as Christianity. A lot of the novels I read were merely retellings of the passion in out space, I see in retrospect, but I read everything. Along the way I stopped thinking we were ever going to understand much about ourselves or each other.... I kind of more or less wrote humanity off. Looked at the bombs and green house effect, heart the hate speaches from all corners of the globe, and kind of figured this shit is going to end bad. One way or another, this shit is going to end bad.


As a teenager, I was fairly certain there would be a nuclear war. I used to fantasize about what I would do, but I didn't have much of a plan. I hoped that the first strike would take me out and I would not have to try to survive in the aftermath.

Then, as the years passed and this somehow did not happen, I began to think that life was pointless. Suicide was much on my mind. There seemed so little to want to live for in my life. I was still getting used to being disabled at that point. Suddenly having to stay home, after spending so much time out in the streets driving a cab, was a level of hell. I adapted, and seven years later, while I still don't like it one bit, I somehow get myself out of bed everyday and write and paint sometimes.

I wish there was more said in all of these words I wrote today...
















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
qhttp://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

The never ending crusade of pain

I am so different than I was two years ago. Tested. That is what has happened to me. I was testing, trying something different, watching an organic creature rise up across this country. How I ever got to be the one on the board is beyond me. How any of this happened, is beyond me.

I know some of the readers who have recently come to my work have no idea what I am talking about. For the last few days, after a period of increasing activity, I started getting depressed and anxious before election. Only today am I starting to feel like myself again, whatever that means. When I get like this, I tend to just lay in bed thinking a lot. I could do that for years and years, though it isn't a particularly happy thing to do, it does get one out of oneself. Sometimes when I am depressed, the best I can hope for is just to get out of myself for a little bit, forget my problems, and the worlds, and try to relax.

I have a difficult time compartmentalizing all the different ways of being and acting
have a difficult time making sure I have the right personality to offer

i MOSTLY, of course, just go over and over the last couple years, since I became aware of my responsibilities. People like me, we are not used to having power over other people, because power means not only responsibility, but also an enslavement.


I have tried to make sense of my own motivations, but I was so provoked and beaten down by the attack on me, that I see now a lot of what I said were the bare musings of a story. Notes to myself. Of a time when I felt like the mad minister from Flannery O conner novels. I was writing from deep inside myself, it seemed... and at others, it seemed like I was being fed the words from on High.

I will not be able to let this go until I can talk with people who were involved openly and honestly. All of the people who used my likes and dislikes or whatever, who half ass agree with me on a few common sense issues, should, unless I am just too innocent for this world, decide to let everyone who wants to contact me, do so without fear of being tossed around by guys in black suites.


We can make this world a better place. This will never happen as long as people like me, who truly care about the world and have a history of doing good works, are taken out like this. THat is what has happened to me. I have been removed from history, scrawled in the underground, in the history of the spies. I suppose one day they will study all of this, when the lies are no longer needed to save the face of the living... All of the people who involved themselves is what blows me away more than anything else. How could all of these people, who obviously have money, be subdued by some force in american politics, some secret police.

I get the feeling that they expect me to go away. To quit writing all together. I don't know what anyone wants of me. As long as I am surrounded by lies, imprisoned by the presence of spies and their cowering cronies, I will hone my skills, perfect my ways of writing, learn more and more about putting books together. I will consider my words my own projects, like I always have.

They are obviously above the law. They great they I always called them in my poetry. THey exist up there beyond the conspiracy theories, beyond the glaring white light of the interrogator. I do not fear them, so much as I am disappointed by them. I think they know this by know. I reserve my fears for what I have done, or what will happened to others. As far as what they can do to me... my life could be much worse. For someone with chronic pain, I am lucky to get anything done. Let alone enough words to fill a shelf, which I am rapidly approaching, though I could hardly say that they are all fit for being reread, let alone published...


I hate having to be the point man, sometimes. Like bitching about Tommy Smothers. I should have explained myself better. I forget how much other people were usoing my words, how anxious they were to make sense of them and tell you waht to do with them. I was used. Total war for total peace was about universal forgiveness. A goal for all time and history and religions. Seemed the simple key to all of the words problems to me. Forgive all the bad guys with their entrenched armies, tell them to lay down their arms, and this one time, be forgiven. Then we could just kind of start over. Instead of all of us coming at each other believing it is our way or the highway, it was time to actually discover how many ways there are and which ones are best.

I really have no idaa how god got into this campaign. Something was inserted in my mind, I think. I was in a coma for thirty hours, and when the amnesia went away, I was filled with a gracious feeling of forgiveness, a universal love for all people. This is not me on one level, and on the other it is me entirely. I want to be a person who forgives others their trespasses; one of those people who understand that this is the only way I can expect forgiveness myself. And after what I have seen of this life, there is no one who can escape a few regrets -- oh, they are out there, like the overly confident to scary Ron Paul statement about like everything about himself.. but I am not one of them.


I do think that people who are criticizing me at this point, are more or less shoving around a blind guy. I mean, put your self in my shoes. Tell me, if you were in the kind of pain and drugged out mania that they had me in, would you have lashed out, would you have considered the most bloody paths to freedom. Ask other prisoners of war. That is what I am. I broke no laws... other than smoking pot, and small shit that got in my way ... like not paying a parking ticket when I was barely scrapping by, and shit like that... when my attackers found I actually was not going to break a law, that I just was another writer trying to make sense of the world; just another philosophy major who went into the arts. Just another of many things, that all happened at once.

Mostly though, I was used. A puppet for higher forces. Those who had in place a vision of God that they expected me to accept and become. Why anyone would choose me to play Jesus is beyond me, while at the same time making perfect sense. Sadness within.... I should have been able to celebrate this week. Instead, I am just looking around for the next project, though I seem to know that they great they have decided I am too radical to even the mild power base of being financially stable. This is part of what kills me about all this. I had in the back of my mind this idea that I should not take anything from anyone last year. I just had this gut feeling. and to my way of thinking, I do not work for the mob. In this city, I have always just ignored them. Not my job, you know. I still feel that away. THIS Is quite different than being for them, or going after them. This is indifference. As long as they leave me alone. Like anyone, I will fight back. And if that meant using thh

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

church and state

Funny that it took a religious man like myself to make the separation of church and state a central tenant in the New America. When some were ready to throw the me on a throne and pretend my spotty past had never happened... I explained to them that my throne is on high, and none here can compare. I felt at the time like I was back in the desert, being offered the world by Satan. That is exactly what all that Mob money and such that flowed into Fearless Radio when they were taping me, illegally, seemed like -- i HAVE NEVER SOLD OUT AND I NEVER WILL. If this keeps my flesh in poverty, then same on you and how you treat the disabled in this country. I will never let myself be placed on a pedastel, either. I sweat, sometimes cry, walk with a slight limp sometimes, and usually have a slightly dour look on my face, and almost never laugh.


I loved having the power to make change, but I did not feel that I had the right to pretend that I am the will of all people. I am not. They have to express their own ideas, and I am not always right, certainly those who are at a scene, know more than someone who is not. For me to criticise people is one thing, it is quite another for me to comdemn them in their entiriety. People are souls, an intrinsic other than their behavior, and I mean to condemn the behavior while still being able to be civil with the people who I am lampooning.

I would do this one thing again the same way, though I am still pissed about some of the shit I said and did as a result of the druggings they gave me, as well as the seizures they caused, etc. Why is no one even looking into this? It is time, or not... see, I do not know what kind of backroom deals have been made. They do not want to tell me anything, because I do not believe in the rancid secrecy the government and the shadowy figures behind them...


So, is my work done now? I helped bring out a record number of voters; knew that Obam and McCain would be running against each other two years ago, before all the debates and what not. Look at my writing and see. It is back there, dated, in my blogs.


Now that the first results are beginning to show that OBAMA'S lead has not been stolen away yet. It felt so good to vote for the first black man to run for president. Did you feel history in your hand as you touched the pen to paper, and connected the two lines into one that said, Yes, I am ready for a New DAY in the United States, a new start on the International Scene with a leader who knows that it is owed to the troops on the ground, to have peace talks going at all times. From the moment a war is declared, an exit plan, complete with how to make peace in the end, should be layed out. Soldiers should always have the mentality that sooner or later they are going to have to be friends with this culture.

Telling you who I am voting for is nothing. Going out and saying that Jesus wants Obama and you could be damned for voting McCain is the kind of crap the far right was shoving into kids heads, and that is just wrong. Neither of these men are evil. It is just that the latter one sold out.

Good luck out there. I thank the father that the riots and such that I saw will never be...









You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

WHY DID YOU WAKE ME UP

just to leave me
laying in my bed
in a hot room
staring up at the ceiling
feeling as if I will find no more on this earth
than just another cross

election day in america

when my campaign started
I had hope in politics for the first time in 20 years
at the time I wrote that I feared it would fade

Now has been almost two years
years in which I feel like the goals I have been pushing
are actually coming true
even though inside I FEEL the same dry ashes
a stillness where the passionate heart once beat out a march for the troops

where for are thou God on high?
Have you forsaken me here, again?

Have i FALLEN PREY to the minds of man?
Am I just a fever dream dreamt up in cia think tank?
are even my thoughts cleverly inserted paradigms
chains?

I have no answers
just the millions of question marks that I push through
blindly
stumbling
bleeding from my scraped knees and torn palms...

















You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Monday, November 03, 2008

confusion on the cross

I smell blood in the air
see soldiers marching through great white plumes of tear gas
reluctant young men who do not want to be out there
who wonder what they will do if they are ordered to fire


in ww 2 they found 75 percent of the men
shot over the heads of enemies.
A young Hitler claimed
he could have been killed by an american soldier, long before he became the ghastly beast,
but the kid chose to let him go.

After that the army changed the training enough that now,
soldiers shoot to kill

I see them trying to steal another election
hear the outcry and this time something more
the thunderous roar of the masses rising as one
storming the castles with our torches
burning the monsters out

See the celebration downtown
the Obama podium where he will
announce himself winner
or that some are calling him the loser.

They try to pull an Al Gore
Obama will have to use his community building skills
to stop the riots
in their chests
from storming out in into the streets

to stop the fire in their eyes
from becoming flaming beams exploding all oppressors

I see man since the beginning of man
man now
and man to be
simultaneously
blurring together the beginning and the end
of life on this speck of dirt afloat in the infinite

I come to man at the Praxis
the point of change
a black man could take the helm of a country
where when I was a teen
the best comedy rag in the country
openly mocked blacks

the Harvard brewed National Lampoon

I am on all sides at once
telling them that they can make it no matter what
no matter who
no matter when

tell everyone that the changes that have come about in the last two years
are irrefutable
no matter who wins
though I am not so sure of any of this anymore

When McCain openly became Bush
to get the neo con money he needed to keep his campaign marching
I saw that the snakes were still in the Hen House

talking to my friend Ben today
I said that I hoped the Republicans don't try to steal votes this year
"They are going to do what they do, man."
He is cynical.
I am still hopeful
because I have had to find hope
where others would find none over and over
in the squalid pockets of my existence
in jail with my pain ripping my back apart
on mornings after stupidly acted drunken dramas
The humiliation of the day to day existence
that drives the seemingly sane to shoot up their co-workers
No, I find the hope...
when I die I will look to the sky
my hope fulfilled by the One who hangs on high


for the next two days
as we wait to find out which way the world is heading
the world will be a nervous wreck

we will be further apart then ever if they try to steal this one
I will render them unforgiven

no one will believe the elephants won without trickery
NO ONE will sit back this time and let them use the courts to steal
the people's will


I pledge my hands to peace in this land
tell myself the times from Martin Luther King to now
have shown sweeping changes

STILL... I understand mine is not the perch of power
in this revolution
there is no head to lop of the snake
no leaders to send the unmanned planes in to blow into a hellish inferno


there could be insane rage
that makes them want to smash everything in this world
tear this world apart and start over

the young men who are shocked by the support of whites for another black
will sit back again in their hatred
see the world once more as not quite their land at all...

I will understand if the skies grow black with fires
never lend my torch to destruction
I will never give up the on other avenues
unless attacked

the states have a chance to prove themselves worthy of God's Grace
womyn's grace, the oppressed's grace
by saying

Just Say No To The Party Of Lies and Wire Taps And Torture

Say yes
to a man
who is a glorious challenge to my cynicism

sorry John McCain,
your judgement in this campaign proves to me
you are someone else's puppet
How I know about this

My image has been used to make weird points in cults
to oppress my beloved
I know about being used as someone's puppet
know where to look for the strings
McCain has strings
he accepted like chains
to get the money from the top five percent
that he needed to fund his failing campaign

The irony of the decendent of slaves
walking into the white house
as the first lady
while the the Republican candidate watches
pathetically enchained,
unable to move as the world sweeps on around him
























You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com

http://thereligiouspsychokillershitlist.blogspot.com

HTTP://generalfactorx.blogspot.com

http://secretposse.com

There is some overlap... but they are all different.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

chocolate news dis's the House Of Pain...


David Allen Grier is funny and smart. His show is among the best I have seen. As I watched the other night, he did a thing on WIGGERS. And among the list of wiggers, he put The House Of PAin. At first, when I started my little campaign for peace -- true, world wide peace, this is what I called my House.. I changed the name a few times, but this one stuck. Tyler Perry Used it for his House Of Payne. I was flattered.... I did not expect anyone to really notice me, ever... let alone be inspired by my words. Well, I hoped for this, but could hardly have been expected to
think that I was going to go down a prophets path. I was writing stuff I would like to read, words that I thought would have helped me at my lowest points.
I suddenly found myself at the center of a quiet storm, and whoever is in charge of keeping me, suddenly immediately slapped into some kind of bubble, where intelligence barely gets to me.

Comcaste internet had something to do with taping in my house, something to do with my friends getting the same intelligence my enemies were illegally gathering by bugging my apartment.

I have little idea, to this day, about all of the events that took place as a result of my writing. I tried to document some of that in my book/blog Waking Up Jesus. Certainly, if you read that book, you should understand that I really went through all of that. Some group of people were behind messing with me. They believed that I was much more aware of what was going on around me than I was. Since no one came up to me with the truth, I began to feel like the entire world was my enemy. I knew otherwise from the TV shows, or at least that seemed to be the case...

Anyways, what I am getting at is that I studied under a professor who was big on Black Issues, then I drove cab for ten years in the most segregated city in the country, and experienced racism as much as a white person does, which is very, very little. This made me aware of the problems in this sphere.

I hate any injustice. In the states, obviously, the native americans, and the blacks, hispanics, etc.... are among sub-cultures (some at least) that are being oppressed by the police, jailed way too often, and a myriad of other facts.

Of course, when I started writing for this campaign, I was having seizures and spending weeks at a time in the hospital, and my back mysteriously got so bad that my medication no longer worked. I also was somehow poisoned, to the point that I was puking for a week. All sorts of odd events started when the radio show and my peace campaign converged.

I had no idea at that point that I was under suspicion of being a dangerous radical. I suppose if you read my writing wrong, you would find a lot of shit in there to make you think I am mad. Well, I prefer to keep the madness in the writing, not my life. i WRITE ABOUT HORRIFIC murders and such in a comedic manner, to deal with the issues. I am sad as hell at any murder, for everyone involved. I used to always wonder how to even get people to read issue oriented stories. I decided that the writing just had to very, very good. Then, later, I realized that I could talk about anything if it was in the context of humor. When people are laughing, they can deal with the horror of the subject matter.

As far as how this made me 'acting' like I was black, I do not know. I do care about perceptions, however. And I have a lot in my life to make clear to people at this point, because I performed for an audience that took me way too seriously for a prisoner, underestimating that everything I said was touched by the horrible anger of having my life become a bizarre realm. I will never be able to truly flower as long as I am a prisoner, but I also understand that security is needed to keep people from flooding the city, as they did early on, when I wrote 'come to me.' I do not know why I wrote this, but when I saw the results, as on the news they talked about every artery into Chicago being blocked, just as they were bringing the largest private army in the world into Chicago, I went back to the computer and said go back home and fight where you live, not here. Take the injustice you see around you as your enemy, and fight it wherever the fuck it raises its beastly head.

I am color blind, and not. I expect everyone to be civil, and when they are not, that is their problem, not mine. I don't make any preconceptions, other than expecting civility. This is why I always say hello to anyone when I am walking my dog, or puttering about my neighborhood by the beach. This is not a packed neighborhood You come across someone, usually there is only you two on an empty residential street. I don't try to do this downtown, obviously.

All of this add's up to, I do not know what was done by The House Of Pain. For me, the house of pain was the outgrowth of being someone who is in chronic pain. Some people thought I wanted them to emulate me. That was not my purpose.

I am uncomfortable with that thought. I have made my share of mistakes, done a thousand things I would be horrified if I my kids were to do (not that I have any).

I wanted people to just say Hello to each other, and finally, start taking all the problems in this world seriously, instead of continuing down our blind path where even such horrendous difficulties like the green house effect were being ignored to placate the oil companies. In this process, the name Thomas Paine become associated with my campaign, and of course I encouraged that because he was a truly wise man, who died in drunken poverty after being one of the men who wrote the words that inspired the american revolution, because he did not want any slavery in the States. His writing about common sense was one of the first times that I noticed during my campaign that a tv show was responding to my blog, when Book Tv came on with a guy reading common sense, and I wrote in my blog, I do not believe in common sense. The guy looked at a screen, where he could see my words, and said, Well, this is not very encouraging." I wrote back, "Convince me." He went on to read this passage in the guise of THomas Paine... when he was done, I wrote, "I am convinced. THis is a show that should run forever."

This was all taken wrong. But, you know, if Thomas Paine is a wigger because his heart was broken when his visions were used to enslave others... but he wasn't. He was a man like me, who knew deep and true that enslaving anyone was wrong. Period. Two unknown black men are said to be the only ones at his funeral.

I understand white kids who emulate their favorite stars, or hang out with black people all the time who speak in Black English, and become ensconced in the culture. Why wouldn't they? When whites act black, people make fun of them. Yet, when Blacks act like whites, they get promoted. This is an interesting point. Even blacks make fun of people who choose their culture over their own. This is kind of sad.

So, if the wiggers out there choose the black culture, I think blacks should be pleased that they have had an influence on the over all conversation about what a human being is going to be. And don't kid yourself, that world wide one culture will happen... if we do not blow ourselves up. There will be bits of all cultures everywhere as the internet spreads. This is another reason the us needs to find reasons to seek a higher moral ground, rather than just living with the vagaries of the magical market; a truly open free market economy is just the wild west, with the savvy few enslaving the others in low wage jobs; no country out there lets businesses do whatever the hell they want. We can see why, as the Banks who were bailed out to the tune of 700 billion go to exclusive spas to celebrate, buy other banks, just continue as they had before, with their eyes on the bottom line, rather than the customers interests.

I wanted to make sure that by the end of my campaign, blacks, gays, hispanics, native americans, muslims, womyn, etc... got a seat at the round table where they were spoke of as equals. We throw all of the problems into the middle of the table, then take them and fix them as our own. If every nation did this, we could all a long way toward spreading good will for all cultures across this world.

Get the arabs and the jews to put all of their problems on the table, and make the arabs solve the jews problems, and visa-versa. Now, that would be interesting.


Anyways, thank you for mentioning the House Of Pain, Mr. Grier. All I ever hear about the events now, is the occasional jab at me. I am not sure why this is?

Like I have said before, I do not know that much about what my words inspired. This was a serious mistake on the part of homeland security or whoever the hell it was that decided I was a dangerous radical. If I had been told the depth of this shit, I could have actually been a force of good for all. I tried to just get everyone to forgive each other, and go on from there. I was criticized for this. Called a chicken on Family Guy. Then I wrote something about attacking, taking no prisoners...

And since I was cut off, and out of the loop, I had no idea what people were doing with my words... so I just continued the act, trying to make sure that all I knew was passed on. I am passionate about getting across the ideas of certain great thinkers. I am not one. I am smart enough to recognize the few who truly are. I should say educated... it has nothing to do with how smart you are, it has to do with how ignorant you are.

I have spent weeks depressed, just laying in bed going over the events of the last 22 months, hating all of mankind in a way for treating me like this. I have always been a serious person with a streak of absurdity. The comic side of me is buried away now. I can bring it out, always could on the radio show, and it will be back one day... until this election is over, I am stuck thinking about it too much.
How anyone could think I would want any of this... I do not want to inspire people to go to war, though I do not want people to passively stand by while predators have their ways with others. And I do not see the same boundaries of our country that others do. I still believe in the possibly assinine thought of manifest destiny. Why not? We should be inspiring, reaching out to the downtrodden; the us is filled with people who will race to help others. We have just needed the means. And while the neo cons went about their little campaigns and ignored most of the people in the country, there was little means.

The country may change a lot with an Obama Presidency. More white kids than ever will be showing up with all the right hand shakes at snoop dogg concerts... why not? Let those who love your culture revel in it. People do this naturally, by the way.... pick up southern accents and mannerisms, or new york, or the bronx.... just happens naturally.

I do not act black. I act like an indiana boy, a scholar and a gentleman is a phrase that was applied to me a lot. Most people just think I am a mellow guy who occasionally will not shut up. When I grow long hair, I get a whole other reaction from people. I get a little prejudice. Nothing like a black man gets in Chicago. Just more than I usually get. People then think I am a hippie.


People will always label one another, and our culture is the result of bits of other cultures that have somehow survived into the twenty first century. It would be a shame if black culture were to be subsumed as the world comes together on the inherent. I do not see this happening.

I suppose with my comments about whites... people thought I was a race traitor or something. No, I was just making jokes, trying to even the score just a little bit. Make the racist scared if I had to. My favorite people I have met in this life have mostly been catholics, jews, and blacks. Growing up, I knew people of all walks of life, except blacks and jews. I had never met any. When I did, after being raised by a union president mother in a very progressive mind set, I was prepared for freindship, and that is what I got.

Oh, well. I am not pissed over this. It just puzzles me. Makes me wonder if I am hated or what out there. It sure would be nice to know who is on my side, and who is against me. I wonder now if they are going to make sure I never gain popularity? I do not care. I will write no matter what.






You are welcome to spread my poems by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
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There is some overlap... but they are all different.