of late lightly

of late I am lightly present in the room
barely with my body

a blur on the edge of the eye
nothing substantial enough to focus on

a scent half there
could be shit or a flower

I cannot tell where the mission began and ended
what was performer and performance

the words... were they truly mine
or merely borrowed:

words stolen from souls howling in the netherworlds
as I stalked down through blackness flickering with red flames
my sword cutting down his angels as
we make the final push
to victory

Satan himself trembles before me
i wipe their blood from my lips, eyes.

thank the father and raise my sword
from behind comes the demons own son seeking vengance

on the father who tortured his mother
the leader he thought he could never bring down

born into hell he was the only one there without sin
I remember the day he was born
how deep I cried
for the soul who would never know the comfort of love

Now I am entrenched in CHICAGO

sometimes I am the innocent among wolves
the babe from American Dad
that johnny who has no idea what the fuck is going on around him

I will never sit back and be your lap dog
Never will I give up my individuality to become another symbol
Never will I give up my roots to pursue the way of new found freinds
Never will I give in the parts of myself
that tell me nothing I do anymore matters
Never will I let my enemies
forget
that on the appointed day
I will hold their souls in my hand
and declare them worthy... or unworthy
to come into my father's court

There are all these huge pockets of secrecy in this world
and I have yet to really crack any of them
I feel hated and despised
worthless to man and myself


they count on you not believing in them
They great they
who I glimpsed from inside the belly of the beast
and still have no idea what faces they wear

I have met their spies
suffered their slings and arrows
marched on as I always do

figuring that if they kill me
what the hell?
Not that I want to die

no, I want to live... just not in this purgatory
where they will bury me in lies and half truths


I write this last line and wonder???
Can anyone find these words by accident now?

People used to run into my words by accident
leave messages

when they started deciding to censor american artists
they broke with their better selves
time to reign them in

tHEY ASKED ME TO SAVE THEM
then tied my hands and put a blindfold on me
chose to want me as their leader
until they I told them you have to elect leaders
in this country

I was trying to start a movement
and it started
There is no putting me back in the bible
No pretending I do not exist

Whether you choose to look at me as a thesbi pain or a preacher
I will never be either'

I am a poet in the whitman tradition
writing about the man we could be

Now I feel like I have given away too much
asked for too little
lived too far off in my ivory tower

In the wind I still hear my name
In the world you will still be able to see my effects

The sane will still recognize sane
and try to help the others
always did
always will