WORDS FROM THE DAY TO DAY CHRIST

Day to day existence of living in chronic pain
taking handfulls of pills to try to stop the betrayel of your body

at least i have have enough pills now that the horrid
days of being out of all relief

i would run desperatly to drink
drink old cough syrup
beg, borrow, and steal to get what I needed

forged a script once

That was before they started treating me like a human being
and trying to give me something of a life
'
stroger hospital has done a hell of a job giving me something of a life

the one time I went to a different doctor he put mje on drugs
that drove me mad... altered me forever.... woke me up



I am in the middle of a book about myself waking up, and the world's reaction to me. This is very different than writing fiction, where I could always just come up with whatever ending I wanted.... no, reality has to determine what happens in this book.

God has vested me with visions and prophecy and powers that I must use very, very carefully. I had no idea when this started that I was causing a world wide revoloution, or that anyone thought I was jesus. Funny time it was when all the tv ministers were convinced they were preaching to christ. Ended that shit with the bi sexual episode.... I* would have done something much more disgusting at that point, because I was so pissed and lonely and wasted and it seemed like the entire world hated me... the doctors were leaving me in pain, I was ending up in psych wards where everyone was treating me like christ/a terrorist/someone who could actually have them killed.


All these secret cabals around me... They fear saying one word to me, because I am of course the most monitored mother fucker on the planet at this point. The day my campaign began, they brought the largest private army in the world into Chicago to protect me.... I had no idea of the controversy I was evoking, or what I was being offered, really. I asked for leadership, obviously, but I did this simply to empower people to lead themselves.... I certainly don't live like someone who the world knows is the christ.

I suppose you study me still... who hates me? Who was harmed? Why? These are the questions I would ask my keepers, if I thought they would answer. THeir messages are always cryptic, and I basically ignore them anyways. What the fuck. I spent my life learning to write and actually to have something to say, and now I know why this was so important to me.... why I gave up family, friends, money, prestige, etc.... to sit at a computer and write millions of words.

I put together the preliminary copy of this book, which I am actually thinking about calling waking up christ.... but we will see. Odd, how a year ago as I was writing that poetry, the world was falling apart around me.... I was practically homeless.

I do not blame the forces who came after me. If they thought I wanted a violent revolution, they were wrong, but it certainly gave them every right to monitor me. I studied military intelligence, I know how they are... and I see still how my effect is felt out there....


Still, I would that I could travel the world, see the sites... but instead, I guess, I will work on my books, telling myself this is a life of the monk, the one who illuminates verses of the bible.... the life where I write new verses, for worshipers of God who wish to exclude no one, and have all peoples come together with a quiet respect for their differences, indeed glorying in a God who would make such diversity among one species. Look at the fauna, the fish in the sea GOd loves diversity.. and this requires liberty, and freedom. THis is one of the reasons why it is often hard to keep religion out of war.

We are religious creatures very naturally, read eo wilson, and see that we are also apes.... we have natural ethics that allow most of us to get along, as long as we are not born into war zones and broken famalies....

THe children die every week here in Chicago.... They brazenly shoot each other in their high schools, drive by and always seem to have a magic bullet or two for some toddlers.... THe faces I see protesting are all black. And it is mostly hispanic and blacks who are involved in the drug gangs that are behind the violence. Second and third generation gang members....

Did you know they all have their own religions, sort of. I saw a gang study, have it here somewhere, that talked about all the various religions the gangs had made up... a mish mash of history, woven into tales of dominance for whatever color or religion...

I know well the life of a prisoner. A prisoner of pain.... physical and mental.

Ever since this started, I have felt an urgency to get my work done. Well, since getting back on line, I have put together, finally, new editions of my work....

reworked and tooled up five new blogs in different areas with different purposes.

All of this in the name of justice and liberty. The odd thing is, if I was a normal writer, I would be getting offers for my books by now.... instead, I am probably going to be repressed by the united states for my beliefs and margenalized, or used surrepticiously from a great distance. Right now, I owe them my life for protecting me.... and a great many other people do, to. I believe we can have an open society again.

Let not the terrorists, or those like me, who are percieved to be terrorists, take away our freedoms. There are unjust laws around pot that have to be addressed if they are going to watch everyone. They just need to legalize the stuff and the gang problem would practically dissolve. The lives saved alone... Let the states have the right.

Hemp is better than wood for too many things to be ignored.... but this is a political hotbutton. My advocation of pot is one of the reasons that I am being marginalized... it is also the reason the fbi changed their rules; once, you could not have even tried pot and been considered for the fbi, now that has changed. Which is smart.

Pot certainly helps me get out of this dull life I am stuck in. All I do is write and think about writing. ANd M.

M/ has suffered much because of my behavior. She almost lost her job, and has just been through hell. I know she too is a part of some organization, or was used by one last winter... but what can I say? THere is no one coming to rescue me. Jessie Jackson offered to take me to africa. I should have went... at the time, I was having visions of a purple and blue planet, heaven, nestled beside the huge physical structure of God... and I was just out of it enough still to think none of this was real....


I guess if this is the kind of drivel that comes out when I try to describe the sensastion of having two personalities.... well, that is not true. I am the same person no matter what, and I have stopped labeling myself anything... if anything, i AM more puzzled than ever about somethings.... all i KNOW is that there is a God, and a war has been won in heaven, by me.... and I am here to show you a thousand years of peace.

Hope I did not bore you.