Two minds

two minds in one body
the half mad writer and the grieving Godling

day to day subsumes
 the philosophical
become just flesh
trying to decide how to fill another day
a body in pain
crippled up and worthless for heavy lifting.
bike riding, working out, skiing ...
the long list of the  lost
taunts me some days
makes me feel very small indeed
a worthless wordsmith watching too much tv
wasting him time putting together words they have made clear
they are going to repress
as much as they can
twist into fictions that suite their evil purposes

Pretend anything they do not want investigated
a Conspiracy Theory
Use it like 9-11
where they destroy anyone
in the public eye
who states the obvious
FALSE FLAG
... from a country that has started numerous wars with
FALSE FLAGS

Will they make me a myth in the end?
Keep me in Chicago like a prisoner
for the rest of my life?
A man who saved the country once
A man terribly wronged

Yet... the Deity forgives the excesses surrounding His surfacing
an over-reaction He should have expected had He expected any of it...
He forgives knowing there is a greater judge than He
Jesus feels like the defense before the court of God

I wonder if the deity in my mind will slowly fade away?
if this is all an inserted personality
if my old self will one day become entrenched
the Spirit life I glimpsed closed to me
an illusion an intelligence agency inserted to fuck with me and mine?
the mind rape is almost too much to conceive of but there it is

Funny...  

regardless of His origins

here I am...  

the only man on the planet who could kill the Christ

merely by just forgetting 

he existed for awhile in my head

Could they have been trying to use me to make a play for world domination
the evidence for various narratives present themselves
a kaleidoscopic twist of reality presents itself before my eyes

Whoever thought I would take that throne... and thinks I should have... should realize
I would have been a puppet for the people already torturing me...
and I was not anxious to throw my lot in with them

so many came to my aide
so many declared me their enemy

They really have fucked up my sanity in a way
in another I am still more sane than anyone I have ever met
I can think all too clearly about my situation


Only twenty twenty hindsight will ever make sense of this

I could be one of many things...

Read a Mormon supposed Prophet today saying that
he was either a reincarnation of Joseph Smith... a genius at writing
or he was inspired by Satan

At the height of my manias I believed that all the old souls were here
every saint and prophet
from Buddha to Allah to Jesus to MLK
Gathered because they are always here
living in service to the peoples of God
perhaps we are but
a hundred and forty four thousand
reincarnating over and over
amidst humans
knowing our time here would last just the length of a blast of life in the cosmos
all planets die and spread their seeds in the end
the rule of nature

perhaps seventy two angels came down
to find one hundred and forty four thousand souls?
Could any God be so cruel?
I never bother much with prophecy but that number haunts me
shows up again and again
in my weight at one point... and the hospital where I weighed in
then the next day changed the scales to kilograms or something foreign
and refused to tell me the translation

someone in a Masonic hospital refused to let me see that number come up
strange evidence like this haunts me
The Room where I became aware of this
was 144
Strange coincidences

a guy sitting outside the hospital asked me
So, are you still religious?
I told him,  "Of course.  I am Jesus Christ,"
He was quite pleased with my answer

I try to forget all of this some days
ignore that ever happened to me
chalk it up to an elaborate mind game played against me
by the powers that b
and if it is that
I need to get some Justice on This matter
As much as the written word can rally
As much as Just Humyns Can Force

If I am deity and believe me when I think about this
there is a lot of evidence... so much that if they concocted all of this
they spent millions on me
threw everything they could at me
that they could get away with
I knew enough to be public as hell when I attacked the powers that b
Some instinct caused me to make five new blogs
and blast the info everywhere
The sirens they blew off downtown
as I cut crosses into my body on the lake shore
and told the audio surveillance
that I was going to Smite The City

How could I not wonder what I am

My Life stolen from me
replaced by a haunted figure playing out spy crafts
communicating with hidden shadow folks

those who watch and follow what I do
those who watch those
who watch those who watch what I do


I think of all the Money stolen from me
tricked away before I could think straight
Money ... which I was right to turn down
one bloody penny destroys a million dollars
I would rather live on the humble pension provided
a guy who worked for over thirty five years at various jobs
which is nothing...
here in the land of the freekish (sic)

life stolen
by a system that is dead set
on exploiting the many
to benefit the few
Born A Slave this time around
my chains mentally applied by masters of manipulations
playing the masses like unsuspecting cows in a slaughter pen

I have broken through their thin veil of lies
fell into pure Revolution
Constant subversion of the half ass answers bestowed by politicians
and businessmen

I ask God who I am
some days
I try to take the Dali Lama's view that what does it matter
who you are
what you are
If you are perceived as such you have a sacred duty
to others belief to lead them as best you can
This I do
Under any name
the mental paths I blaze thru their brutal theologies
will allow others to come this far
before branching out on their own