The Holy Star

Every Christmas I come back to the facing the video I made one year saying that santa should kill all the bad kids. A joke taken dead serious.  Why was I surprised that people took me seriously?  I suppose because I had read others who wrote things like I had and saw no such reaction.  I did not know then what the secret societies were making of me, how elaborately the spies around me had planned the life of the coming king.. the angel... the mystery man who could bring heaven, could bring hell.....  Christ to many.

Slumber

winters  heavy slumber
silent heavy slumber
Christmas lights strung for our childhood memories
of a coming Santa

spark up that Christmas morning feeling whether we want it or not
when we notice, if we had one...

the older we get the more we love the credit card santa
giving and getting and eating and just saying hello more than often

science has proven that looking at bright lights
 can lift our moods

the research that got me started painting

selfishly enough

to sooth wounds that made the very air around me bleed

I am left writing my prison memoirs
wondering if i am a mandela or a manson?

general factor x .... x for chaos?

My visions are larger than I have been able to scribe
more than words can show
not a soundbite
too much for a sitcom
needs more fodder than a poem
more sides shown than a novel
an encyclopedia that connects every word ever into a story

I can my beginning before and after this flesh
know myself to be in this time a tattered travel to all that has been and will be
my freedom from this mission comes when it is done and once more
the will of God can come to me as the supreme surprise
the greatest gift of that Christmas Morn that represents more than man knows
though you sense the future, too
hard to know what you have not been taught..
our teacher awaits expecting clean slates to finally glory in the vision of his ways
to finally know
our sacrifices were for the good of others...
not the sins that the slivers of a life seem to show....
in the judgement of man the would be god

tattered traveler between times and places

a visitor to others stories

tells his own alone in mystery

free for all to see

i think again and again of the death of the revolutionaries

the protester's jailed and beaten

all over the planet

for all kinds of reasons

in the war against the progressive

THOSE WHO MADE IT

IN THE OLD WORLD

FEAR THE NEW

THEY PREFER TO HAVE

RATHER THAN HAVE NOT

HUMAN.... ALL TOO HUMAN

we will have less and less as the population blossoms

learn to live with it

less garbage and packaging and pompous sales packages

stream line what you need

hoard only words

the changes we see make the future understandable at least

tactical problems that can be approached without controversy

the war for justice will not be raged by armies

the war will be fought between those who make great wealth

exploiting the environment

and the rest of us

for 20 years we have ignored the scientists

I mean, what the hell.... no one died in a nuclear war

the clicking clock they move ominously toward midnight every year

saying the scientists believed we were this close to that big war

end of life

and doesn't every generation think the world is going to end?

all the ad hoc arguments that grow with our beer bellies

we barely take into account the nukes anymore

they are still nightmares out there

suicide bombers will get them if we don't play world cops

nuclear phallic symbols rising into the sky all over the world

left over bombs

from our years of fears

our propoganda spewed hatred

our idealogical wars

fought with very real blood

spies

lies

greed and bigots and dreamers and writers

we have the big bombs and can't use them to win a war

afganistan, iraq, pakistan, iran and whoever the hell else we are fighting here and there

can't use em

wouldn't do no good

just turn the entire world into our enemy

give Israel an excuse to pop off a couple nukes of their own

blow up a few Arabs and grab the god bestowed land --ho, ho, ho says their Santa...

the theory of nothing

rattles around the sleepless night

awake with a glowing christmas tree

hazlenut coffee

a sleeping Husky

a nice scene

comforting

M. laying on the couch snoring a little now and then

cnn discussing the greenhouse effect

hearing about the rising anger of the poorer countries

that are going to suffer for our largesse

hard to argue with the idea that america russia china and canada

have set into motion a geographical catastrophe

that we will pay for

when the storms and floods come

we will send in our soldiers and relief

do what we can

send out our prayers

emote

tell ourselves our healing energies will help the starving

the actual fact that the people who are responsible

for pushing oil on people

are going to make us pay for their sins'

with our entire planet

chokes me with the old fucking injustice....

injustice.

the vile face of the demonic

when the CIA got in bed with Exxon the gates of hell opened a bit

I can  feel the heat

we are not going to get a solution

 out of the ruling powers

 in any of the large countires

the movement could use interlocking green political parties that agree to press certain issues

a movement that creates Justice

to fight the packs of corporate lawyers who fight it tooth and nail

reactionaries to the reactionaries

we were lured out of the jungle

into the fields

to hunt

where there were no trees

no where to climb

away from the charging jaguars

who would bat our spears and clubs aside

show us just who was the top predator on the plane

we forgot us much in our cities

see the big cats only in zoos

slaves to our curiousity

we won the war

the face of the world

is pathetic

apathy

apathy

no money to attend no protestors

give to a cause

can't risk the job asking for a union

I can't see through the snow storm outside

seems the entire world is gone

the tv just a cheap lie about some other place that I do not inhabit

with news I don't  need to know

opinions that offend me

I can't listen to the right wing pundits

actors pretending they have ethical positions

instead of just propaganda agendas

gotta please that right wing boss at fox

by slamming those liberals

gotta shape the usa mind

gotta pretend

they have the proper spin

they offer a mythic 'other' for the real news i suppose

people prefer as much

like the Limbaugh people who are just happy to have

someone to think for them

to give them a way to live

that frees them to hate

be selfish

racist

sneaky

to take their orders from republican politicians

reading those talking points like they were the news

the prophets are cloaked

by their mundane appearance

obscurity

the terrific loneliness of thinking out alone

where no one else has quite been before

speculating on every religion

in my mad run for glory

for forgiveness

for a way of living that was better than the one I had

when my spaceship crashed

I was surprised just to be alive

my memories muddled

when I split my head open

on the side of a mountain

i try to remember who I was out there?

the images offer me no narrative

... just the same old chaos

all I seem to be able to make sense of is a future self

far from now

who will still wonder

who were we these humans

that tore so boldly across this planet

these warrior poets

who prided themselves on being a bit more than they really were?

Did they remember to live hard enough to make this journey worth it?

Have enough fun to suffer the scars?

Keep their youth until the end of our years

a secret between ourselves and a few friends?

grace the revered Jackson says

Grace Before Thanks

I don't get Christmas Cards from people who I got out of prison

Grace

in a world loaded for fucking bear

an inner strength that says you can take anything

have to

that's your job

to live

just to live

that fire of faith burns in every christmas light we pass on the highway

spews through bad seasonal movies

tonight was Santa Verses The Martians

watching the low to no budget movie is

my response to the chaos on tv

the health care debacles

our poor president doing his damnedest

to do more than any other president ever has

problem comes when we find out we can no longer rely

on consumer spending to run the engine of this economy

more people/less resources/

simple bad old math of the population explosion

we hear less and less about this since AIDS came around

changes that dire prediction

the mystery disease that solved what was then thought to be the coming end of life'

as  we know it... a soyent green world

a disease that killed junkies and gays

sexual radicals and huge swaths of the African population

hear a lot of rumbles about the disease being created

hard to believe

like 9-11

the false flag mission that started the war with the middle east

on a day that all the military pilots were on a massive training mission

no one shot down the terrorist planes

there was explosives involved in bringing down the towers

bam

bam

bam

they did it.

got their war.

hard core folk.

they thought nothing of torture, extraordinary rendition, horror prisons

murder

They plan on burying their sins in hidden in the spies files

they'll admit as much in a hundred years

preserve the republic and all that

the lesson still has to be learned

taught

so the children know how governments gear up populations to want a war

how they lie to get their way

how they cannot be trusted

how the media will go along with them for the most part

we will get beyond war

it will end

we have abandoned too many people in the past

the Afgani's once already

Iraq, too

Both places we've been playing war games with

we loved Saddam for awhile there

boy they killed him fast

I wish he could have lived on to write his story

what tales such a man could tell

he might have become a pillar for peace

or he might have been a lightening rod for revolution?

I want to forgive everyone and pray for as much at night

In the mornings sometimes as i wake up

my pleas as frantic as those for my own forgiveness

my sins are vague

at the moment

unrelated to my day to day

fought by simple crusades of trying just not to hate anyone

even the Taliban

then they do something that makes me feel the same old fires

I do not want to sentence women to live in such near slavery

they should fight for their rights

no religion that matters would keep women out of school

true Muslims know as much

there are too many paths up the mountain

people take the ones that are easiest to follow

they fear going off on their own'\

out into the forests

where they might just run into a mystical beast

playing a beat

all

their own

polemics of comedy and strife and poetry

the blogging of a life

the exacting of an audience

without having to live by the publishers

tastes

the market's chant of

'write a spy book, romance, something about vampires....

sell sell sell what the hell'

don dellilo's writer wrote porn for children to read about each other

had the market covered for awhile

now we have the twilight series

there is enough room in the universe for all the words we will ever tell

I suppose

if they are worth something to someone ....

even if it is just igniting a few crotch fires in fourteen year old girls

I fear they will burn up

die out with us

we'll send something out into space about ourselves

maybe even a few fragile survivors

aliens could show up and help us out

mystic me

I think that the body

is a very boring way to travel

who needs it?

Give me a spirit to fly around space with,

please,

because it is quite large....

buddha I will have to come back I suppose

unless the dreams of fire and lightening call me to act in the name of God

create an apocalypse on the shores of Lake Michigan

the final burning off of the chaf

an ark of souls

embarking for the face of God

prodigal children returning from the big bang

act dammit man act

rage into their lying faces

sue the news for lying to you

for false advertising about fairness....

in the paranoid world of the right wing

they see my drifts toward socialism

as the beginning of lining up the greenhouse deniers and getting rid of their gene pools first

more taxes they advertise as they talk about defeating health care

oh, don't make us pay more taxes they say.

Everyone wants universal healthcare except the healthcare companies who will be reigned in for once

The reality of politics

i wrote the other day that Obama is Cheney in black face.

I didn't really mean it... just thought it was kind of funny

he inherited a war and an economy that is fighting his every reform

I still wear my elect Obama hat

though with my long hair flying everywhere

 I can tell some look at me as slightly mad

long hair does that to some people

oh well

no false advertising there

more than you can ever appear

oh man

take comfort

where you can

THE EMPORER WANTS COLORADO

This is all the mysterious black clad gunman said when he tried to get into the governor's office, and was summarily shot down dead.

I heard nothing else about this.  I knew I had inspired him to this act, or that he had given his life to communicate with me through the media.  I had made a big deal about Colorado, after writing about my best friend from childhood, who listened to John Denver's Rocky Mountain High all the time.  This was a couple years ago.

I will grieve forever for such people.  They died in war.  In the service of mankind.  What they achieved may be questionable to a lot of people.   Only the future can tell us what has truly been happening here.  The future  will tell us whether we have lived for liberty and the preservation of the will of God, or a stupid delusion, stirred up by a confused poetry.

The origins of my campaign, however haphazard, have relied on the inspiration of God.  I have had to serve him before my own needs.

So much of what has been done in my name was not my intent.  I have ended up being an Agent Provecuter, drawing out the radicals into the cross-hatch of their enemies in the state.  One guy I suspect lost his tv show, and never got to air his Union Hamsters episode...  a reference to my hamster army and union support that has been repressed, along with so much about me.  I can understand why they would not want me playing with the fire of the Lord...  they will get burned eventually.  Problem is that I have no choice;  I am as locked in by the plans of the Father as any other entity.

My attempts to gain influence in this world produced one of the most bloody political births in the history of this country.   I brought together violent prone people and said use your energy to earn your redemption.  I offered my open arms to my worst enemies, forgave even Satan as the last days tick away.   My name is used in so many ways that I do know who you think you know as the Christ...  I only know me.  The challenge God has given me is to be honest with humankind, to leave behind the thrones and gold that buy the fleeting glory of the flesh, to lead you past the golden cows, and show you the unseen...  a Christ who is just a cog in God's plan, a man who is embarrassed by all the superstitious myths that swirl around me, the unintended dust that rises from my footsteps and obscures my path.

update on my thinking about my political situation

I have been going over and over the mental terrain that I have traveled in the last few years.  Wondering how and why and when until my brain finally shuts down in exhausted sleep.  I have never been the happiest person in the room, though I have occasionally put on a good front.  I can look back over my life and see a lot of times when depression won.  I was still young enough to think that there were saviors in psychiatry, religion, art, love.  Self help groups kept showing me that I alone have the ability to change how I feel, not some 'other.'   For awhile I became fairly good at making myself happy.  I worked out all the time, wrote with a mad fever, filled with a dream that one day I would be noticed, and all that shit one wants...   Now, I feel like that was a selfish period in my life.  A lot of things have conspired to force me to turn inward.

Mostly my own pain.  First emotional, and now physical.  It is hard to concentrate on things outside oneself when your own body is betraying you.  I have somewhat accepted all of this now...  and really felt I was on my way to finding my voice, and my following, before the events surrounding the radio show, and my horrid infamy, derailed my vision of the future.  I figured once I had the time to write and started producing massive amounts of words, that I would find myself a big agent and take my place, however small or large.  Now, after learning that I am pretty much going to be punished forever for daring to be the lightening rod that drove the mad events from 2007 to.... well, I suppose some would say I am still behind some mischief.  When I hear my words echoed -- criticized, actually -- by no less an icon than Mayor Daly, I realize that I am still being read by a group of radicals who are hoping that I will come out of my cave and protest.

My problem now is that I have said things during the 'bugged' period that are far, far from what I believe.  The pain, the mental hell, the disconnect from the world, the craziness of being shown a bit of the undergroud world...  I was never more overwhelmed in my entire life.

As an aside to this wonderful naval gazing, last night I pondered again why I was shown certain films during this campaign.   One in particular was very odd.  I was watching something on tv about Nazi's, and they were showing the holocaust, when suddenly Hitler's face appeared, and a calm voice saying, "This was not my vision."   I cannot remember much more of it.  It stands out because apologists for Hitler are not exactly something you see on us tv.  This probably harkens back to a poem I wrote asking if people were still nazi, and still white?  I was trying to say, get over it...  come into the fold of humanity, and accept everyone.  Other people took my words how they would.  I have no control over what people do with my words.  I would have, had they not isolated me into the illusionary prison that surrounds me.

Can you imagine my situation?  Here I am a writer, who considers himself disconnected from society, just some boof writing crazy humor mostly to amuse myself, and suddenly I find myself writing revolutionary poetry, and spinning a war of the worlds scenario that took certain parts of the world by storm.  I had no idea any of that was inside of me.  The Jesus voice is whole nother story, in a way.... though i can think of few ways to destroy the credibility and thinking of a person than to brainwash them into thinking they are a deity.

I was so convinced of this thought that I was willing to die for my beliefs.  A lot of people followed me up that walk to calvary, some to mourn and others to throw stones.  People who are not in the loop on this are never going to believe me...  pretty much stealing any thunder that may be rumbling around in my work.

I have done about everything I can to make peace with the forces that feel I am their enemy.  Other than political differences, I find common ground with most people.  Politics is certainly not everything.  I thought they were for awhile...