My story is not for the religious or the atheistic or the agnostic... it is for everyone interested in the truth. This blog contains first drafts of poetry and prose for my series of books on Christ, the first of which, Waking Up Jesus, is being greeted kindly by critics. Thank you... John Scott Ridgway
WAKING UP JESUS...
We come into this life expecting too much and leave expecting too little
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
dangerous words
see...
the danger in those words
hear the saber rattling
watch out...
you aren't going to like the surprise ending
see...
it is nothing like we think
nothing is what we think
man
is the know nothing
of the cosmos
driven mad by the limited view
from our cages
of night and day
cut out of an eden
long ago paved over
in the name of progress
under a hot/harsh hellion of a sun
we're all a-thirst for a sip of holy water
Monday, July 20, 2009
The State Of The World Address
I found an interesting voice inside of myself today. Came up so many new ones do as I wrote. A voice that has transcended identifying my present state of being as divine. For a few pure seconds in the sunshine of a July day I felt a burst of what it would feel like if none of this had ever happened and I could shake the world off like water on a duck and just be a stoned, crazy writer passing his time in a world he didn't necessarily love, but could ultimatly do nothing at all about. I was disconnected from any heirarchy, no longer encumbered by the belief that it actually matters what I say. Just being silly all the time, self-effacing, seeing myself and others as relatively harmless, though foolish, beings.
There were no memories telling me that a battle has taken place, that I am a prisoner of a vague war with some factions of governmet, though ultimatly protected by others. For a moment... I was back before any of this happened, to a time when happiness itself did not seem so inapropriate in my life. Before I had to begin grieving. Before I knew how I was seen. Before I knew how I was being used. Before I knew that man is so fucking devious and spiteful.
Once I would have called all this supersticion. I miss that, too.
Self pity is not pretty. I don't mean to come into this room of words and bemoan my fate. I mean, I do this, but my frustration has to come out somewhere. Better here than in my real life.
I keep remembering a recent simpsons episode, where Maggie was some savior, and how her universal love reminded me of how I felt when this started, and then they had bart take her place on the throne and the church became satanic. Fire spewed out thru cracks in the earth.
Bad Boys too, those simpsons folk. Anyways... I saw a strong parellel, big surprise. I wonder when I see these things if they are messages to a lot of people about me? I know that under my flag a lot of protests have started. I owe anyone who writes about this stuff my thanks, of course. Even when they are criticizing me. I learn some from criticism, if i do sometimes react like an immature ass.
Such a complex world we live in.
once more, let me say, let me go... or there will be hell to pay
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Sunday, July 19, 2009
The Company I Keep
Read about David Koresh today, a memory jolt on the Branch Davidians. Koresh really was a master brain washer. He was not some accidental prophet. Very calculating, studied. Reading over his tactics is like a primer in how to start a cult. In the end, when they were holed up in their ramshackle mansion, Koresh witheld food from the cultists who were wishy washy on mass suicide... feeding instead the ones who were with him on wanting to go out in some blaze of Glory.
There is madness in declaring yourself a God, or letting anyone else do so. To attain such a visage in anothers' hearts and eyes requires downright deviousness, the devil's own seductionary powers.
Or a connection to some other group. The intelligence agencies use cults, I am sure. They know all about how to brainwash people and God knows they cannot let a weapon lay around without picking it up.
Wondering how I came to be, and what my place on this earth means are questions I wil never be able to adequatly answer. Unlike Koresh, I refuse to read the bible and pretend that everything is a reference to me, that I am this character who I quit believing in while still a child, for all intents and purposes. The trick is, that I am unique in being this creature, and this makes my case different. OR is it? The difference is that I have been much more well publicized, and given more support, than a fraud could hope for. I am the opposite of a controlling father figure.
I think people should be what they are, and accept that this is what they were meant to be. I am not a cult leader who is trying to break down your will, convert your personality into something that pleases my wallet, groin and ego.
I come back to such thoughts all the time now. I have inspired mad passions in people, and I can only pray that they understand my intent was mostly material, concerned with saving the planet politcally, not with saving souls from the grips of some Satan. The discussion of God and Heaven and all the speculation, can be anything from boring to dangerous... a slippery slope. I want to inspire what was inspired in me -- the ability to think for oneself, to not be easily led. There is an oxymoron or a thousand here, obviously.
Now the websites are all offering different way of being a human. When they are not banned. Anonymous's site was banned in Australia, and I think may be off in america. too. They took a free speach approach that allowed pornography, and now it will costs people a 10 thousand dollar fine to listen.
More later
Google John Scott Ridgway for other works.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Humans At War
legs arms torsoes
strewn across a field
brain splatter
inside a truck
a jolt to the soldier in the back and smoke and screams and adreneline
a pissed off spinning around and firing at white puffs of smoke, barely visible in a doorway
the crisp, sharp slap of a bullet into flesh
stunned expressions and an ah shit moment/screams
war
warrior cops crusading the planet
for truth and justice and the ameri-con way
no one likes a missionary with a gun
no matter how gracerfull the message
Monday, July 13, 2009
Curtain Calls
See....
A star is a metaphor
for many things
that a mere mortal
could never attain.
we hate and love few strangers
we love and hate a lot of metaphors
stand-In's for people we don't know
we communicate with them as what we think they are
not what they are
the Micheal Jackson in my mind
represented those who prey on Children
My issues used him as a media target
Where I could try to confess and purge my rage
I remember him
too
as a child star
a child myself
I would have told you back then that he was the luckiest child alive
we were raised to want and worship the rich and famous lives
our young minds were still just discovering
the worship of icons in the media
society just then beginning to crumble
destroyed by the new ministers of truth
the actors and writers and artists
the quoted and interviewed and photographed
L Ron Hubbard tried to buy icons for his religion
stars
ready made little media magnets
human billboards walking around promoting his con
An early take on Dungeons and Dragons
Before the deconstructionists got a--hold of all the myths
and began searching around inside for any hint of Truth
creating an Anonymous crew holding up the truth to their lies
They almost got Jackson... sent Lisa Maria Presley after his money
Gave him the sham marriage his career required
He was like Elvis in his rejection
They both had grown up with people trying to get their money
& recognized the con under the earnest smiles
Michael Jackson began to morph before my eyes
His music lost me at thriller
I was too rock n roll to care for what I thought of as Disco
No music aficionado in the first place -- I sort of assumed my taste was bad
Today I am reading all the notes left in his wake
The bits of information that make up my myth of the man
were forged in rage at predators and his seeming transformation
into a white woman
The politics just were bad....
Now I am learning just how horrible this man's life truly was
Just how complete he fits into the way I think of wealth and fame
He was a slave laborer throughout his childhood
beaten or watching beatings his entire life
Children being hit
He wanted to surround himself with children who were happy
to fill himself with feelings he felt he'd missed in childhood
An icon, he spoke the words and everyone wanted to go along
Now we find out he is taking 30 Valiums a day
... I used to take those for my back and they mess you up
no one likes living that fucked up
your life is a hell that you refuse to enter anymore when you are filled with needle marks
the only thing left in your real life is pain and withdrawal... why go there?
He was abused, used, and neglected
He grew up to be an abuser, a user, and a neglector
and a genius at dance and performance
I can never forgive people who go unpunished
Do the crime, do your time
come out and start over
be someone else
He was punished for his crimes
crippled his lifestyle at least
let a bit of how people see him
into his life
Good people want to say nice things to the family
stay on the better stories
b appropriate
at first when I heard he died
he completed a story that I had about him in my mind
a predator was gone
One down....
Now I see how the doctors kept him all wasted
He was slaughtered by modern medicine
beaten into a bruised and bleeding babe
dependent on a bottle of Jesus Juice
Can a man be judged for being created a monster?
Seems the creator himself is to the blame
the beatings given children that drive them to think
violence is the way to show someone who is right
who is almighty
who is making the rules
then they wonder why the gangs seem so natural to some?
I have seen enough life to know that some blows to the brain never heal
In the press the stars have to be Svengali
for every interview, auditions, performances
They play up whatever metaphor suites their target audience
toe the party line
stay away from the spotlight when they snort coke and whore out
Jackson's couldn't have gotten away
with having all the children over to never never land
if he was out and gay
That ain't right but prejudice is out there
Maybe if society were a little kinder
he would have evolved into someone adult
tempered by the moods of lovers
whose grace would have been more important than any drug
A gay black man in the media
Don't see too many of those
The pressure is too extreme to conform
and grows more extreme
with every step you take up the ladder
sexuality becomes an economic equation --
a gay loses some of their core audience
the screaming girls who were in the front row since his first memories
would have turned away
He was so afraid people would turn away
He tasted what it was like to hailed with love from all over the world
He swam in that love like an ocean of morphine
The life he went back to after the performance could never compare
He started shooting the concerts up into his veins
Getting all that glory without an audience
after a life of needing to be needed
he needed no one
His own chemical never never land
snorted, shot, swallowed, smoke and drank
The doc's were well paid to go along
employees
in a criminal operation to keep a human being controlled
docile
signing those checks
Told since infancy that it did not matter what he felt
what mattered was what he did
His feelings were secondary to the dance moves
the belt
he could feel it
even when his brothers were being beaten
And his father was beaten and someone is being beaten as I write these words
And someone else is saying that they wished their parents had spanked them enough
to avoid jail and go to school
He was told that what mattered was what people thought of him
Told WATCH PEOPLE WATCH YOU
Be What They Want
tried to hide that he drank, the drugs
got into a sham Scientology marriage
even as he changed his face into a perfect androgyny
He couldn't hide who he was
Anymore when the drug him into court for sleeping with kids
He was wasted and wearing pajamas one day
spry and defiant the next
now the people are coming out and talking about trips to south America with boys
gay lovers hidden in cheap motels
he quickly becomes a tragic figure
he knew he was almost too weak to live
that the od's were going to get him sooner or later
the anesthesia he was taking to sleep kills most people who abuse the stuff
told his daughter he would be gone soon
He was signed to do fifty concerts he and everyone around him knew
the sickeningly thing drug addict was never going to make
even his contractually obliged 13 minutes a show
I guess we all hope that God
or our conscious
buys the rationalizations
we've used to navigate
the human geography
I believe the only word
that means god
in the human language
is love
Endless love...
replacing the hatred
the cynicism
the cryptic con jobs
I forgive him now
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I WILL BE
I AM an instrument the universe plays
in a savage symphony
not so much a voice in your head
as a presence in nature/your heart
a good solider working for a psycho God with plans well beyond my understanding
Damned by the being the Son Of The One who set this madness in motion
The hated element /a club they have used to beat you so often
you learned to hate the club itself
a mental torturer hearing your confession
you sold my images/drew lots for my clothing
you surrounded my walk to Calvary with paparazzi
played the stone throwing crowd all the way
you were afraid to even help me when I stumbled
you will
awaken to the one who walks among you one day
your egos will crumble down into a thin dust of madness
Your God is love
behavior that attracts love pleases him
The military industrial complex relies on the sociopathic pragmatism of the priveleged
Everyone wants their gang to have more guns/more bombs/more soldiers
the arms race is an extension of cheering for the local team
that mystical love for those around us and our innate urges to protect them
Everyone wants their God to win
their secret friend validated
Google John Scott Ridgway for other works.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
NO JUSTICE FOR ME
I have been depressed as hell lately. It is finally sinking in that I am never going to get anything even resembling justice. I will never get a fair hearing in court, never even get to talk to the people who oppressed me. I have no hope left for this planet, myself...
The only reason I don't check out is the people who would be hurt. I am sure my enemies love to hear this.
Fuck all of you people who used me.
Google John Scott Ridgway for other works.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Another Day Feeling Sickened Unto Death
Everytime I feel like my emotionally distraught view of the world has settled down into something resembling normality, I am again reminded where I truly stand.
This life I live could be all a mental delusion. The spilt in my thinking between being a man and a spirit could be an illusion. I admit that, of course. The idea that Jesus could have been inside of me all of these years, waiting for the appointed time to rise out... well, it is just a bit beyond the pale to me... yet, how can I consider myself any kind of thinker if I ignore the evidence?
No one out there is ever going to explain everything that happened to me. The secrecy surrounding my being is hardcore. Why they think I am so dangerous is beyond me. As long as they leave me alone, I will treat everyone with respect (who I meet physically, but in the word I have to be critical, or I could not respect myself -- I will not appease).
Today, like most days, I feel like I have sentenced without a trial. They fear that telling the truth will rip the world wide open, expose the damn roaches to the light. I believe that I am being punished for what others did. There were plotters well prepared to take up a cause. They manipulated me and others to get their way. I do not know who or why they are, but I will tell you this -- until they are ferreted out and removed, the normal citizens of this planet might as well consider themselves blind pawns.
Google John Scott Ridgway for other works.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
DENIAL
We hide the truth under our living room carpets
under our new cars
in hidden closets in our houses
behind a degree hanging on a wall
behind science, philosophy...
Behind us... truth... alone... seperated... withering
I have been left alone with shattered bits of the truth
I see the signs
hear the songs calling me a Spaceman*
They hide the world as it is from me
because the KNOW I CAN CHANGE THE PLANET
Some who read my words quiver and shake
Others rejoice
I am a wrathful God
I am a peaceful God
You will see both sides
before I burn all this shit down
Who are they?
You, and you and you
Everyone who goes along with the lies that imprison
My flesh
My enemies think they have won because they can contain my flesh
They underestimate my powers in the infinite expanse of time
Have no idea of the sheer size of my being
or their minute stature
I read everywhere that I am supposed to take over world governments
Be King of the World on my return...
KNOW that this is not an honor man can bestow on me
Your presumption that I would debase myself in your political charade
Shows how little you know of my mission
Your planet is ruled from the shadows
by people
who do not need or want your fame
I will not be your latest Golden Calf
The figure head of a cult of personality
run by publicists and agents and lawyers
I AM
Beyond your comprehension
The Wise Among You Would Do Well To Free Me
Raising my ire at humanity is more dangerous than you know
If you knew what you were doing
You would lay your life down
At my command
I wish I could laugh as I once did at the absurdity
Before I realize how seriously fucked you humans are
You are about to destroy your planet and I am the only vessel taking off
*two music videos now refer blatantly to what happened to me. One is Spaceman by the killers, and the other is a video of Brittany Spears, where she has a spaceman on a version of Ooops I did it again.
Google John Scott Ridgway for other works.
Monday, July 06, 2009
The Forever War
the forever war
Disturbed
Distraught
Desperate
Monday morning news gives a solemn count of the weekend murders
between jokey weather and sports
TEN shot DEAD over the Fourth of July in Chicago
There is a breif shot of two parents hugging and crying
images of yellow police tape and cops in bulky, blue body armor
the smiles come back as another story rolls around
can't be too negative on the morning show
I picture their brothers and sisters waking to the darkness way too young
wanting revenge... or justice
mostly wanting to turn back the clock a day
tell their loved one not to sit on the porch that afternoon
they'll round up the rival gangs and shake out a few gunmen
destroy a few more lives
add the eighty high school kids shot down this year
and you have an urban war
Weapons flowing in like the sewage
they stopped five people coming into the fireworks with guns
one gang banger had a sawed off shotgun in his backpack
I never see the violence
Live in a different world than the killers
miles from the deep southside
miles from the deep westside
miles from the entangled lives of gangs
the disease of young warriors raised on rap
looking for street cred because nothing else pays as much in respect
Nobodies taking their backs in the business world, the schools...
No one else offering them money and the knowledge that if anyone messes with them
they can expect worse in return
guerrilla wars raging
between kids with uzi's and M-16's
on the quiet side streets where they feed on the addicted and demonized
fund their wars just like the other Taliban
When the US attacked Iraq
Mayor Daly went on TV screaming that Bush should attack Chicago
That he would welcome the troops to come in and stop the violence
drugs illegal... prohibition driven gangsters in Chi-town
we've been here before
different was the rich and powerful used that drug
The Metaphorically Handicapped live in a world of words
Ignore the facts to stay ensconsed in their mental defense system
they could legalize this shit and STOP the flow of money buying the guns
terrorist groups all over the world would lose out
the citizens would save money on prisoners
lives would no longer be shattered
kids wouldn't be dying from stray bullets every damn day
kids wouldn't have any reason to fight to the death
ahhh.... we live in asylum
Sanity is medicated away as depressing
da life
in da city
Google John Scott Ridgway for other works.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
god is slightly gay... article by Mark Mumford SFC... I'm going with 30%
Remember? That positively adorable pair of them, at the Central Park Zoo, who had adopted an abandoned egg and then hatched it themselves and were raising the chick together as a couple, even though the chick was clearly not theirs -- though of course how penguins can actually tell whose kid is whose is still a question. Never mind that now.
The best part: the story was absolutely true. The book, "And Tango Makes Three," was beautiful and sweet and touching in all the right ways -- except, of course, for the fact that it was also totally evil.
For indeed, the penguins in question, named Roy and Silo, were both males. This meant they were clearly in some sort of ungodly, aberrant homosexual relationship, mocking natural laws and defying God's will that all creatures only cohabitate with the opposite sex and buy microfiber sofas from Pottery Barn and eat their meals in silent resentment and never have sex.
Worst of all, the book depicted this relationship, this "family," as perfectly OK, as no big deal, as even (shudder) normal. After all, Roy and Silo didn't seem to give much of a damn. Tango sure seemed happy, what with not being left for dead and all. As of this writing, the Central Park Zoo has yet to be swallowed into a gaping maw of sinful doom. Any minute now, I suppose.
I am right now amused at this because it turns out Roy and Silo were not really so much of an anomaly at all. Nor were they some sort of unholy freakshow, an immoral mistake in the eyes of a wrathful hetero God. Far from it. Turns out they were, in fact, far more the norm than many humans, even to this day, want to let on.
Behold, the ongoing, increasingly startling research: homosexual and bisexual behavior, it turns out, is rampant in the animal kingdom. And by rampant, I mean proving to be damn near universal, commonplace across all species everywhere, existing for myriad reasons ranging from pure survival and procreative influence, right on over to pure pleasure, co-parenting, giddy screeching multiple monkey orgasm, even love, and a few dozen other potential explanations science hasn't quite figured out yet. Imagine.
Are you thinking, why sure, everyone knows about those sex-crazed dolphins and those superslut bonobo monkeys and the few other godless creatures like them, the sea turtles and the weird sheep and such, creatures who obviously haven't read Leviticus. But that's about it, right? Most animals are devoutly hetero and straight and damn happy about it, right?
Wrong.
New research is revealing so many creatures and species that exhibit homosexual/bisexual behavior of some kind, scientists are now saying there are actually very few, if any, species in existence that don't exhibit it in some way. It's everywhere: Bison. Giraffes. Ducks. Hyenas. Lions and lambs, lizards and dragonflies, polecats and elephants. Hetero sex. Anal sex. Partner swapping. The works.
Let's flip that around. Here's the shocking new truism: In the wilds of nature, to not have some level of homosexual/bisexual behavior in a given species is turning out to be the exception, not the rule. Would you like to read that statement again? Aloud? Through a megaphone? To the Mormon and Catholic churches? And the rest of them, as well? Repeatedly?
Would you like to inform them that such behavior is definitely not, as so many hard-line Christian literalists want to believe, some sort of poison that snuck into God's perfect cake mix, nor is it all due to some sort of toxic chemical that leeched into the animal's water supply, suddenly causing all creatures to occasionally feel the urge wear glitter and listen to techno and work on their abs?
And so we extend the idea just a little bit. Because if homosexual/bisexual behavior is universal and by design, if gender mutability is actually deeply woven into the very fabric of nature itself, and if you understand that nature is merely another word for God, well, you can only surmise that God is, to put it mildly, much more than just a little bit gay. I mean, obviously.
But let's be fair. That's not exactly true. God is not really gay, per se. God is more... pansexual. Omnisexual. Gender neutral. Gender indeterminate. It would appear that God, this all-knowing and all-creating and all-seeing divine energy that infuses and empowers all things at all times everywhere, does not give a flying leather whip about gender.
Or rather, She very much does, but not in the simpleminded, hetero-only way 2,000 years of confused religious dogma would have us all believe.
God's motto: Look, life is a wicked inscrutable orgy of love and compassion and survival instinct, shot through with pain and longing and death and suffering and far, far too many arguments about who did or did not pay the goddamn mortgage.
Life on Earth is messy and bloody and constantly evolving and transmuting and guess what? So is sexuality, and love, and connection, and what it means to exist. And if you uptight, hairless bipeds don't soon acknowledge this in a very profound way, well, it ain't the damn penguins who will suffer for it. You feel me?
This, then, is what science appears to be trying to tell us, has been telling us, over and over again: Nature abides no narrow, simplistic interpretation of her ways. Nature will defy your childish fears and laughable behavioral laws at nearly every turn. God does not do shrill homophobia.
Of course, until very recently, science was also beaten with the stick of right-wing fear for many, many years, told to keep quiet about those damnable facts, or else. Homosexuality is a lifestyle! A choice! And you can be lured into it! Seduced by the evil rainbow! Just like those poor penguins! Right.
Let us be perfectly clear. Not every individual animal necessarily displays homosexual traits. But in every sexually active species on the planet, at leastsome of them do, for all sorts of reasons, and it's common and obvious and as normal as a warm spring rain falling on a pod of giddy bottlenose dolphins having group sex off the coast of Fiji.
And either humankind is part of nature and the wanton animal kingdom, a full participant in the messy inexplicable glories of the flesh and spirit and gender play, or weare the aberrant mistake, the ones who are lagging far behind the rest of the kingdom, sad and lost in the eyes of a very, very fluid and increasingly disappointed God.You will find my comedy toward the back of my blog http://theelvesattic.blogspot.com, or http://thereligiouspsychokillersshitlist.blogspot.comGoogle John Scott Ridgway for other works.
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